Between Oceans and Arrows
by Coesa Rudo
Summary: Katniss Everdeen is the sole survivor of the 74th Hunger Games and has somehow befriended Finnick Odair. To stop the rebellion, Snow has offered an alternative to being sold to the Capitol. She can find a new love to distract Panem. As the lines blur between Katniss and Finnick's 'relationship", the Quarter Quell announcement forces her to decide truth and lie, and life and love.
1. Prologue

**I am experimenting with the idea of FinnickxKatniss (that was a lie. I am OBSESSED). I love Everdair stories and figured to try one of my own. So please tell me what you think since I don't know how I feel about this idea just yet.**

**Prologue:**

* * *

Caesar grasps his hand in mine, "Katniss my dear, how are you?"

"Alive," the crowd erupts in laughter and I try to smile. How can they laugh? They just watched 23 children slaughter each other. Disgusted, I try and focus on Caesar, I just need to get through this interview, then this all ends. I can go home to Prim, Gale, the Seam.

"Katniss," he squeezes my hand, "why don't we talk about your fallen lover, Peeta Mellark. How are you feeling?"

The crowd gives me a sympathetic cry, my own sob stuck in the back of my throat. "Sometimes..." I look to Cinna, remembering his words to be myself. Taking a slow breath, I focus on Caesar, "sometimes, I just want to cry when I realize he isn't here with me. Other times I am angry that he isn't sitting here speaking with you instead of me, Caesar." I let out a small laugh, "I wish he was here. He would love to be here with you Caesar, he always enjoyed speaking with you."

"I enjoyed his company as well. We wish you well, Katniss." Caesar squeezes my hand one last time, "now let's watch the highlights of the Games!" He turns his attention to the screen before us along with the crowd.

I wonder how I look to Panem when they cut to me watching the highlights, am I frozen with terror? I think to the Victors before me, some proud of what they see, but most stunned. So shocked at those images that they just can't motivate themselves to evoke any emotion. This year, they tell the story of lovers, they show Peeta and I throughout the Games.

I see myself running from the flames, my fight with the careers, the havoc I created by using the Tracker Jacker nest, and then Rue. Sweet, innocent, small, Rue. I watch our alliance unfold, every moment we spent together. I watch her die, I can't even cry, I am so numb from these Games. I get to watch myself sing to Rue, I get to sing every verse and every note. After a while I feel like I am watching someone else's Games not my own. The only thing they skipped is when I laid Rue in the flowers. Of course they did, I have found more ways than one to upset the Capitol throughout my Games. First volunteering for Prim and my District's silent applause, snubbing the Capitol in the face, telling them that this is wrong. We do not agree. My resistance seems to continue in every action after that moment. I try not to focus on what I know will come next in these Hunger Games.

I should have been paying closer attention. They saw us with the berries, they knew what we would do. If it had worked, I wouldn't be facing this interview alone, Peeta would be here. Why wasn't I alert? My bottom lip quivers, fight Katniss! I lift my chin and let the tears settle back into my eyes. I can't let them see me cry, I focus on the highlights of the Games.

I toss my bow and arrows to the ground. Mistake #1. I watch us lift the berries to our mouths, our quiet count to three, Peeta and I staring at each other. Mistake #2. I watch the dogs come back. They were silent this time, not snarling like they were before. They appeared, I think literally, from the ground. It wouldn't be beyond the Game-makers to do something like that. Peeta gives me one look before standing in front of me, confusion written upon my face. Mistake #3. Even in his last moments he was determined to protect me. They tore at his throat before I could pick my bow and arrows from the ground.

It takes all my strength not to cry when I watch Peeta die in front of me.

When President Snow sets the crown over my head, his smile seems warm and happy, but his eyes are dark, treacherous. I will pay for whatever damage I have done with the stunts I pulled, I will not get away with snubbing the Capitol. I cannot escape. Something uneasy settles into my stomach, I have created an enemy, a very very dangerous one.

* * *

When I see Haymitch and pull myself into his arms, I don't even try to hold in my emotions. Haymitch has become family to me, he kept me alive, he tried to keep Peeta alive. He is my fellow Victor. In some ways, Haymitch is a misfit and dysfunctional father, but a parent nonetheless. "It's alright, Sweetheart." It isn't sarcastic or condescending, I think he hurts for Peeta too.

I take a step back and wipe my eyes, "thank you Haymitch. For everything you have done."

He waves me away and opens a small bottle of some kind of spirit. "We should get you to the Banquet."

I am not sure how I will survive this Victory Banquet, people have already been rushing to take a picture with me or shake my hand. My cheeks are burning, I don't know how I can handle another awful smile. As I step into the Presiden'ts mansion that sickening feeling climbs back in, how will I survive tonight in the home of a man who so clearly wants me dead? Effie leads me to a few people who apparently are prominent in the Capitol, when I am suddenly introduced to sponsors who are fighitng for a few seconds with their Victor, just to take a picture or shake my hand.

After a few hours, I begin to reach for the roving glass of wine being passed around, I'm not sure how much more of this I can handle. I have never been one for any type of alcohol, but at this moment I need the relaxation. My feet are throbbing from the shoes I am standing in, my cheeks literally on fire from the forced smiles and fake laughs, I locate a platter of red wine and excuse myself from the burly man commenting on my bravery in the arena. I make my way to the Avox holding my only salvation for this Victory Banquet. I slip it into my hands and stand in a corner nursing the glass slowly, enjoying every sip of silence I have.

"Katniss." I stifle a groan and look up into a pair of sea-green shining eyes. "I don't believe we have been properly introduced."

"Oh?"

"I am Finnick, _the_ Finnick Odair."

_The_ Finnick Odair. "Well it's nice to meet you." I keep my disposition pleasant. I have heard of Finnick Odair, a lover for a brief second who disappears without so much as a goodbye. Capitol girls swoon over him and I assume every other girl he encounters as well.

"It gets tiring doesn't it?"

"I can't possibly know what you mean." I take another sip of wine.

"You don't have to pretend," he crunches something in his mouth, "sugar cube?"

"What?"

"Sugar cube? It's simple you want one or you don't. So do you?"

"I'll pass."

"Too bad, you are missing out..." He runs the fabric of my dress between his fingers and looks me over, "you know you can make out like a bandit here in the Capitol, jewels, money, anything you could dream of."

I roll my eyes, how dare he even try and insinuate that I have an interest in selling myself to the Capitol and it's grotesque and exorbitant lifestyle. "No thanks, I have more than I will ever need. What do you spend all of your money on anyway?"

"Oh, no. I haven't dealt in anything as common as money in years. You see, Katniss, I use a much less common form of payment." Finnick lowers his voice, "secrets. Would you have any secrets worth my time, Girl on Fire?"

"No, it seems everyone knows my secrets before I know them myself."

"Sadly, I think that is true. I think you and I will become good friends, Katniss."

"What makes you think that?" I try not to snap at him, but it makes it hard when he keeps moving closer to me.

"Because we are Victor's, Katniss. We are the only other _allies_ left. You see, these people aren't our friends, they will try to be, but they won't _understand_. Your friends back home, well they won't treat you the same way."

I stare at him, Gale wouldn't treat me any differently, Prim would treat me just the same, so would my mother, Darius, Madge. All of them would continue to treat me as they did before. Finnick smiles, "you didn't believe things wouldn't change, did you?" My silence seems answer enough, "Oh, Katniss, the things we have done has changed us. In case you didn't notice, you are not the same person you were before. What makes you think they will look at you the same way if you don't even see yourself the same way? Here." Finnick presses a folded napkin into my hand, "consider me an ally, Katniss. Many of the Victor's don't take the new kid under their wing, but I think that you are something special."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, nothing at all. You just intrigue me is all, but then again, who isn't intrigued by fire." Finnick flashes me a smile and saunters off to a group of Capitol women who shriek at the sight of his face. I set my glass down and make my way to the group of sponsors I know are searching for me, I open the napkin to see a number scribbled across it. I crumple it up and get ready to toss it in the trash, but I stop myself and slip it into the pocket of my dress. I don't trust Finnick, I decide, as a matter of fact he is much too flirtatious for my liking. However, he made a valid point, I am not one of the poor and starving people of District 12 anymore, I am a Victor. The dynamics of my life have changed, and while I don't want to reach out to anyone but Haymitch, I might need the assistance of someone else like me. Finnick Odair, so far is the only person I can call.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

The station comes into view, I don't expect much more than my mother, Prim, and Gale. I step off the train welcomed by the crowd that makes up much of District 12. I smile and scan the crowd, Prim waves to me her blonde shining in the sunlight. I wave to the people of District 12, aware of the cameras showing my arrival home to the entire country. I give a short thanks to the people of District 12, a speech handed to me by Effie and to be memorized by this morning. The crowd begins to disperse and I stand there at the tracks waiting to see the three people who will stand after the crowd has gone.

I smile at Prim and my mother, Gale runs towards me and I pull him into a hug, "you made it, Catnip." I look up at him, the fine lines of coal beginning to settle into his face, his exhaustion written in his eyes. I run my hand over Prim's head and press a kiss to her temple. She seems older, stronger than she was when I left. I turn to my mother, she smiles and wraps her arms around my neck and I can feel how happy she is that I returned home safe and sound.

I hold Prim's hand, "let's head home, little duck." I turn to say goodbye to Gale and freeze. I drop Prim's hand and stare at the baker. He doesn't smile at me, he doesn't yell at me, he doesn't move. Suddenly my throat is as dry as dirt and I can't breathe, it feels like the world is pressing on my lungs. I faintly hear Prim's voice behind me, I turn my head, "head to the house and pack your things, Prim. Go." I look to Gale who pushes my mother and Prim away. I squeeze my eye's shut, clench my fists until they are flushed white, I take tentative steps towards the baker. By the time I reach him, my fingernails have left marks in the palms of my hands. Mr. Mellark has never been one to speak often, I force my eyes to meet his, "I'm...I'm so sorry, Mr. Mellark."

"Don't be."

I blink a couple of times, "Peeta..." Just saying his name brings this pain to me, I wasn't in love with Peeta Mellark, but I did love him. He is the person I survived the Hunger Games with, he died for me, I will never stop owing the boy with bread. I force the tears away, "Peeta saved my life. I can't ever repay what he did for me, but I can at least try to repay that debt. Allow me to please share my winnings with your family." Mr. Mellark seems genuinely surprised at my statement. That felt right, it felt like something Peeta would do if I didn't come home and he did. Peeta would have taken care of my family, I will take care of his. "Peeta would have done the same thing for me, I am going to do the same for you...I'm just sorry I could bring him home with me."

"Don't blame yourself, they wouldn't have let it happen."

Those might be the most words I have ever heard from Mr. Mellark, I smile and he offers me a small bag, "for trying to keep him alive, its not much but its all we can manage."

I struggle to smile, "you won't have to manage anymore, Mr. Mellark. Thank you." He turns and walks away from me, tears sting the back of my eyes and I force myself to look away and meet Prim and my mother. I wait until I am out of the square and to the Seam before I open the bag. Inside are two frosted cookies, ones that remind me of Peeta. I smile and tuck them into my pocket. The last cookies I received from the baker I tossed out the train window, this time I will enjoy them. Late tonight when I wake up with horrifying nightmares of watching 23 children get torn apart, seeing Rue die over and over again, feel my shock and helplessness as Peeta volunteers himself for my life. I walk into our old house and see everything missing, they must have moved us in when I was announced as Victor. I walk towards the Victor's Village the crisp wind blowing my braid back. I stand under the gate, this my new home. I walk to the house across from Haymitch that looks lived in. Prim opens the door and smiles, "isn't it pretty Katniss?"

"Yes it is." I walk through the house and see that it has already been decorated and furnished. My mother shows me around and explains how everything here works. The showers are exactly like the ones I used in the Capitol. I shudder at the thought of having to go to the Capitol every year to relive the Hunger Games, to watch my own tributes die in the arena. Both of them can't win, I learned that the hard way, and the chances of it being another Victor from 12 is nearly impossible. Prim sits on my bed, "I'm glad you're back, Katniss."

"I am too, little duck."

I sit down next to Prim, she undoes my braid and tells me about everything I have missed here in District 12, which isn't much. Nothing happens here except starvation and coal mining. I glance around my room, I need to think of a talent for the Victory tour. My mind wanders to my future now that I am a Victor while Prim tells me about her goat and Buttercup. "Where is that cat, anyway, Prim?"

"He went out for some food, I think. How are you Katniss?"

"I'm fine, Prim."

Prim turns me to face her, she looks into my eyes, her own bright blue eyes so innocent teeming with potential and life. I wonder if my eyes look as troubled and stormy as I feel inside. "Katniss, I saw the Games, I saw what you had to see, what you had to do. So how are you feeling?"

"I will be okay, Prim."

"So you're not okay right now?"

"No, but I don't imagine any of the Victor's are okay after their Games."

"Did you meet any of the other Victors? Do they seem like they are okay now?" Prim has begun stroking my hair and is rocking back and forth, something my mother used to do for us when we were small children, afraid of the dark or the lightning that would appear in a storm. Before she was lost in her own world after my father's death. Even though she is back now, I can still tell she is not the same as she was before the accident.

I shuffle through my time in the Capitol, I met Haymitch, I didn't met any other mentors, or Victors..."Finnick Odair, I met him."

"Did he seem okay?"

I look at her, "Prim honestly, I don't think you will ever be 'okay' after the Games...I'm tired, do you think we could speak tomorrow?"

''Sure. Goodnight Katniss...I love you."

"I love you too, Prim."

* * *

I sit up panting, the sheets crumpled in my fists, my knuckles white, a cold sweat pasting my hair to my face. Shakily I reach for the bag of cookies on my bedside table. I eat each cookie, thinking of my time with Peeta, at first my cookie therapy seems to calm me down, until I realize that Peeta is dead. Suddenly my therapy has turned into a motivation to cry. Tears press out my eyes and run down my face, I force myself to stand up. I walk to the bathroom and turn on the light, I stare at myself in the mirror. I can count my ribs still, my shoulder blades pointed and sharp. My skin while nearly flawless from the Capitol is pale. Every time I shut my eyes I see the Arena, I see blood, I hear screams, I feel pain, I watch death. I need to distract myself.

I sit down and flip on the screen in the living room. Pictures of me and the Games appear on every channel, women teaching viewers how to wear their hair like me, interviews with designers on Cinna's brilliant work, recaps of the Games, discussions on my return home. No matter where I go, I can't escape. Prim and my mother are asleep upstairs, I shouldn't wake them. I shut the screen off and head outside. I walk to Haymitch's door and pound against the wood. I wait for something, a noise, a shout, even a slurred curse from within the house. Instead I hear complete silence, I bet Haymitch is passed out drunk.

I walk back to my home and sit at the table, the moon hasn't even begun to fall out from the sky and I can't go back to bed. I wish Gale was here at least we could talk or something, but he is not and he will have to rise early to work in the mines. He needs his rest. I stare at the table, am I the only one who has nightmares? Will they ever go away? I wish I knew if the rest of my life would be made up of the terrors I see. I walk back up to my room and throw the left over bag of cookies away, just seeing them gives me this sickening feeling of knowing that I failed to bring Peeta home with me. I unpack the only bag I brought back with me from the Capitol, the clothes I left District 12 in and my gold Mockingjay pin. I hang the dress and set the pin on my dresser, I reach over to put the bag away and see a small white corner peeking from the bag. I pull it out and find the crumpled napkin Finnick gave me. I fold it open and smooth it out, his number on the bottom with a note to call anytime.

I can't believe I am thinking of doing this. I must really be desperate to even consider calling Finnick Odair in District 4 at this time of night.

Yet, here I am standing at the phone grasping the napkin, shaking at the thought of facing this night without any type of consolation. He probably won't even pick up, he is probably with some Capitol woman, I bet he won't even hear the phone even if he is at home. I have nothing to lose. I dial the number into my phone and wait for it to ring.

A few seconds go by, no one picks up. _This was a stupid idea. _I prepare to hang up the phone when the ringing stops and a voice carries across the line to my ear. "Hello?" He sounds perfectly awake, I don't think the time difference between here and District 4 is that large of a gap. Why is he up this late too?

"Finnick?" My voice cracks, I swallow, "its...me. Well, Katniss."

"Oh hello. I knew you would call me, no woman can resist my charms." I roll my eyes, Finnick pipes up again, "what time is it over there?"

I glance at the clock, "1:48 AM."

"Nightmares?" Finnick sighs.

"How did you know?"

It stays quiet for a long time, "I could lie...About the nightmares." I can tell this isn't the same Finnick Odair I spoke to at the Victory Banquet, this man has the same voice but there is something broken inside of him. I can hear it.

"Don't lie."

"Well, Ms. Everdeen, the nightmare never ends. The ones in your sleep and the one you live now."

I twist the coil of the phone around my fingers, "so how do you deal with them?"

"I distract myself."

"I tried that, it didn't work."

Finnick laughs, "we have a long night ahead of us then don't we."

"You are going to stay up with me?"

I can hear the end of his line go quiet for a few moments, "isn't that what acquaintances do?"

"Yes, I suppose it is." I must be delirious or tired or just so terrified of sleep that I just called a man I have met only once an acquaintance. But then again, who else do I have left who understands?


	3. Chapter 2

**I know most people start with Finnick and Katniss not getting along, but I feel like Katniss and Finnick would connect well because of the similarities of their lives. Both of them putting those they love above all else (Prim & Annie), they were both young victors, both idolized by the Capitol, both enemies of Snow (sparks of rebellion & secrets against snow). So you can see why I feel like they would click. If that seems to OOC let me know, but I feel like its IC.**

* * *

**Chapter 2 (READ A/N)**

Someone shakes my shoulder, "Katniss?"

I sit up and wipe hair from my face, "hm?"

"Why are you asleep with the phone?" Prim smiles at me and hangs up the phone.

I stretch, "I was on the phone last night, I must have fallen asleep." Prim raises her eyes at me, I smile, "don't you need to get ready for school little duck?"

"Today is Saturday, Katniss." Prim giggles and sits down at the table, "its almost 11. I just woke up, Mom went out for some herbs early this morning. She must not have seen you."

"Oh."

Prim glances around the kitchen, "so who were you talking to?"

"An acquaintance."

"By the name of?"

I stand up and look through the kitchen for something that we can eat immediately, "Finnick."

"As in _Finnick Odair. The _Finnick Odair?"

"Yes, that Finnick Odair."

Prim smiles and sets two cups on the table along with a loaf of bread and cheese, "and what did he say?"

"Nothing, really." I cut a slice of bread for each of us and spread some goat cheese over it. "Prim, what would you like to do today?" I eat my slice of bread and force myself not to think of Peeta. Finnick told me stories all night last night, apparently I fell asleep with the phone still on my ear. That was a sweet gesture considering that he and I only met a few days ago, or maybe he was just trying to lure me in like all those countless women from the Capitol. Somehow that thought makes me angry, he was flirtatious when I called him, am I just another target on his list of women?

I abruptly stand up, "I will be back in a moment Prim, I just...need to speak with Haymitch." I run to his door, decide to skip knocking and fling the door open. "Haymitch?" I step over trash and empty bottles lying carelessly on the floor, "Haymitch?" Haymitch lays passed out on his couch that may or may not be housing a family of rats and fleas. I shake him, "Haymitch?"

He yells some type of curse in a slurred voice, "Haymitch! Wake up, we need to talk."

I fill a glass with some liquid that doesn't smell of spirits and toss it onto him, he growls at me, "what do you want?"

"I want to talk."

"You doused me with water to talk! You're insane!"

I watch him sit down at the table, "you talk to me and answer my questions and I will get you enough alcohol to last you til the Victory Tour."

Haymitch's glare lightens, "let's talk."

"I want to know about Finnick Odair."

"Finnick Odair? As in Capitol's golden boy? Capitol women's idol?" Haymitch laughs, "have his charms stolen your heart?"

I roll my eyes, "of course not!"

"Why are talking about him?"

"We spoke at the Victory Banquet."

Haymitch reaches for a half empty bottle, "and?"

"And we spoke this morning."

Haymitch takes a swig from the bottle, I crinkle my nose at the smell of his strong alcohol. Haymitch swipes his arm across the table sending bottles, crumbs, and dirty dishes clattering onto the floor. I have no idea how he manages to walk in such a disgusting house let alone live and eat in it. I dust off a seat and sit myself down. Haymitch eyes me and takes another gulp from the bottle, "I had no idea you and Finnick Odair were friends."

"We aren't, Haymitch. I would prefer to call us acquaintances. I was only wondering if he would be the type to try and..._seduce me."_

Haymitch bursts into laughter, he coughs and continues to laugh at me. I hold my head a little higher even though I am fighting a blush. Haymitch takes a few breaths and waves his hands at me and goes into a coughing fit. Once he recovers and chuckles at me, he wipes some of the hair out his eyes, "seduce you? Katniss, in case you haven't noticed you aren't the most _desirable _girl to catch Finnick Odair's eye. Besides, you don't know him like the other Victors do."

"I don't? What am I missing? He is flirtatious, sensual, and arrogant." I nod my head in confirmation to my statement. Based on Haymitch's reaction, I am willing to bet this is some type of initiation into being a Victor and Finnick was the one elected to bring me into the Victor's inner circle. They know I don't handle romance very well, that was obvious from my reaction to the interviews for the Hunger Games. I get angry or flustered, I am a terrible actress, I couldn't pull off a single one of the personalities Haymitch offered, maybe they saw my weaknesses and decided to toy with me.

"I will agree with you, Katniss. He is a pretty boy, a flirt, and about as prideful as you are. But he isn't the promiscuous man you think he is."

I snort, "he goes through two or three women in one trip to the Capitol, Haymitch! How am I to know I'm not on that target list?"I rest my chin in my hands. "I know that _they_ couldn't touch Finnick for the year or two after he won his games and I recognized he was probably forced into the life he is in, but that doesn't mean he has to be that flirtatious man all the time?"

Haymitch passes me his bottle, "you might need this more than I do. Katniss, do you think after all that boy has been put through he will be the same person he was before the games and the life he was forced into?"I tighten my fists, remembering Finnick's words to me at the Victory Banquet. "I'm not justifying his behavior, but I am saying that you should at least give him the right to gain a friend, you two are the youngest Victor's it would make sense to befriend him. Besides, Katniss I'm sure he assumes you can see past his charm and see the actual boy inside. But then again, you haven't ever been one to see the obvious."

After my father died and the woods were beginning to open their arms to me I decided that I needed something to eat while I foraged for food. I didn't want to eat anything that I had found because that food would go to feeding Prim and my mother. I decided to try some tree bark, a snack I am now accustomed to, at the time I chewed it until my mouth was dry. It was gritty, hard, and I nearly cracked a tooth trying to gnaw it down, by the time I got home my mouth was about as dry as had to look through my father and mother's book of herbal remedies to find something to soothe me.

My mouth is about as dry as my first time eating tree bark. I open it to speak and shut it, I walk out of Haymitch's house without even a single goodbye. I was wrong about Finnick, I feel guilty. The same type of guilt I felt when I realized that Peeta was not out to kill me, rather he was determined to make sure I got home to my family. I hate that feeling, I misjudged Finnick, like misjudged Peeta. I lost one friend because of my lack of action, I can't lose another possible friend for the same reason. Of course, in Peeta's case my lack of action was a life or death situation. I shake my head and slip back into the house, "Prim?"

"Katniss, are you okay?"

I shake my head, "I'm fine. I think I am going to use the phone." I look through the list of numbers Effie gave me when I left the train and find Cinna's name. I dial his number and pray that he will pick up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Cinna, it's Katniss." Just the sound of Cinna's voice calms me, he will know what to do. How to handle the situation, I don't want any friends, I reached out to Finnick when I was desperate and tired. I would have never called him under any other circumstances whether I misjudged him or not. I won't be rude to Finnick, but I also am not ready for another friendship, not yet. After Peeta, I can't risk having a friend who could slip away so easily.

"Katniss, how are you? You sound perplexed."

"I'm alive." I lean my head against the wall, "Cinna should I become friends with other Victors?"

"I don't see why not, you are of a new status in the Districts. You can't associate yourselves with the people of your District anymore, Katniss." His words seem harmless, but his tone, the underlying meaning is a warning to me. I am being watched, Snow is watching me. I can't be Katniss Everdeen, tribute of the people, I need to be Katniss Everdeen the Girl on Fire, the Victor of District 12. I swallow, I need to make sure that I keep myself with the right group of people, I can't give Snow a reason to try and hurt my family. It's no secret that Snow has power and is willing to do whatever needed to keep it, Peeta's death is an ever-present reminder of this fact.

"Thank you, Cinna...I know this sounds odd, but how do I make these friends?" I snort, I have never been one to make friends. My only friends so far are Gale maybe Madge, Darius, and Greasy Sae. Even then, it took me years to open myself to conversing with them.

I can hear Cinna smile through the phone, "why don't you ask one or two over?"

"Really? You think I should do that?"

"Just be yourself, Katniss. Just one or two Victors, Haymitch can even be one of them. They are a close knit group and you are the new Victor. Break into the circle, Katniss. You won the Hunger Games, if you can do that, you can be a Victor."

"Thanks, Cinna." I let out a small breath of relief and talk to Cinna until I hear my stomach begging me to eat. I will do what Cinna said, and I already know exactly who I will ask over.

* * *

I slip out my room and tiptoe down the steps, tonight's nightmare woke me to a pool of sweat. I managed to get out of bed and now I am standing by the phone. Two days back home in District 12 and I have had to distract myself with phone calls to someone I hardly know. Cinna's words vibrate through my mind and I force myself to pick up the phone. Finnick picks up on the second ring, "Hello?"

"I'm trying to make friends, Finnick, so would you like to come over. I mean from District 4 it's a bit far, but I just thought I would ask."

Finnick laughs, "Katniss, I'm a Victor usually we aren't supposed to travel between Districts, but we get special accommodations as Victors. I would love to come...are you okay?" His voice has changed, its softer and concerned.

"I've been better. I could use a good nights sleep." I wipe my eyes and take a deep breath, "I wish the nightmares would end. I don't need to dream, I just need to sleep. Right now, I need distraction."

It stays quiet for a long time, I almost am sure Finnick fell asleep on the other end of the line, "did I tell you the story of when my father took me fishing for the first time?"

I drag a chair to the phone and wrap myself in a blanket, "no, I don't think I've heard that one."

* * *

**Review and let me know what you think. **


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The sound of knocking on my front door sends my stomach into knots. I slowly walk to the door, this is the first time I will be seeing Finnick Odair since the Victory Banquet. Haymitch promised to be here when he could smell dinner from my house, but that was in a drunken stupor and nearly unintelligible. Thankfully for him he has me who can decipher even the most slurred statements. I wipe my hands over my jeans and grasp the door, I fling it open and Finnick smiles at me. "Hello, Katniss. I was worried this might be the wrong house, given how busy this street is and all."

I roll my eyes and allow him inside, he sets down three bags and takes off some gloves. "I didn't know you were staying." I say.

"I figured it would be a pleasant surprise, plus I figured if I am going to come _all the way_ to District 12, I should stay a few days...or a week or two."

"Two weeks? You are staying for two weeks? I hardly know you. We have only spoken for a week, at most."

Finnick winks at me, "and how close we have gotten in those seven days." He pinches my cheek, "you live alone?"

I contain my groan, I asked him over for dinner. I did not ask him to stay for a couple of weeks. "No, my mother is in the kitchen and Prim is upstairs." I glance at Finnick who smiles at me, "grab your bags, we have an extra room upstairs."

Finnick picks up his bags and follows me up the steps, Prim turns the corner and stops in her tracks, "who is this?"

"Finnick meet my sister Prim. Prim this is Finnick Odair." I say.

Prim smiles and looks him over, "you are staying for a while, I guess."

"Correct you are. Your sister is adorable. I'm assuming your adopted then, Katniss?"

I punch him in the arm, "if you want to eat you should be careful about who you insult. I catch the game around here."

"Oh, I'm absolutely terrified." Finnick smiles at Prim and follows me down the hall. At first this house was more than we could handle, we could fit our own small house in the Seam in one bedroom. My room is simple,I didn't want anything in there to remind me of the arena, the only token I still have is the Mockingjay pin that came home with me. While Prim and my mother have decorated most of the rooms in this house with anything and everything, I chose to keep my things clean and bare. I walk past a few doors that have become homes to my mother's apothecary business, since she now can buy all the supplies she needs for her patients and stores them here. I turn to the guest bedroom that sits across from mine, _that's just great_. "Am I to assume this is my room?"

"Guest bedroom, right here." I point across the hall, "that's my room."

Finnick wiggles his eyebrows at me, "I see we are in the same hall, Katniss. Right across from each other." Finnick opens the door and tosses his bags onto the bed, "cozy. I like it. So what is there to do out here for fun. I'm assuming you don't have the fantastic beaches they have at home."

"They have beaches is in the Capitol?" I ask.

Finnick frowns and for a moment I can see hurt in his face, it disappears quickly and he forms a grin, "No. District 4, Katniss."

"Well you were right, we don't exactly have a beach. We have a meadow, though. Its a good place to swim when it gets hot."

Finnick nods and begins to unpack his things as if he has lived here forever and every inch of this room is familiar to him. Do the Victor's homes in all the Districts have the same format? Finnick whistles as he hangs his clothes, "it's getting cold here in District 12. Does it snow?"

"It does."

"I didn't pack for that." He sets his gloves and scarf on the dresser, I wonder how long he is planning on being here, because the three bags he brought are huge. Doesn't he have a life in the Capitol and District 4? I figured Snow would have a tighter handle on his Victors, even for me he hasn't restricted me in any way, shape or form. As a matter of fact, Snow has left me alone since I won the Games. Perhaps, I have proven to no longer be a threat. I shake the idea from my mind, Snow has made it clear I disappointed him and I can't allow myself to believe that he has just forgotten about my show of rebellion in the arena. Finnick turns to me and sets his hands in his pockets, "shall we head downstairs. I would love to meet your mother."

I turn on my heel, "come on. Dinner will be served in a few minutes anyway." We walk down the stairs in what I assume is a comfortable silence, it doesn't seem like we need to say anything. I walk into the kitchen, "Mother I want you to meet our guest for next two weeks."

My mother sets down her pot of food and turns and smiles, the smile never reaches her eyes. But it hasn't reached her eyes since my father died. You can always tell when I person has given up on the inside, that is quite obvious from my mother. Everything on the outside says she is okay, she has somehow pushed past the horrific death of her husband. But if I look hard enough into those exhausted blue eyes I can see how broken she is. That I am staring at the discarded shell of a woman. "You are Finnick Odair, correct?"

"Yes, Mrs. Everdeen. It is a pleasure to meet you." He begins to discuss my mother's cooking and somehow I just stand back and watch their casual banter. His charm isn't flirtatious as much as it is a polite and subdued dazzle towards my mother. It is how I imagine most boys act around their girlfriend's father or something. That cool politeness that makes Finnick seem like a well behaved, well raised and responsible young man. I almost feel like we are asking to stay out later than our normal curfew than just making simple introductions. Finnick turns to me, "I should probably leave your mother to finish dinner, huh." He turns to me and walks to the living room. He sits down and stares at the fireplace, "should I start a fire?"

"I can do it, Finnick."

He shakes his head, "I find it intriguing." Finnick kneels in front of the fireplace and gets a warm flickering fire started. He keeps his back straight, shoulders back, sitting on his heels. After the Games I don't think any Victor is every truly comfortable. We keep ourselves poised for an attack, ready to fight at the smallest sound or the sudden movement. I bet if I jump up from my seat, Finnick would spin on his heel and grasp an imaginary trident. If someone were to sneak up on me and tap me on the shoulder I would turn to them with my fingers tightly gripped around a bow that isn't there. Finnick stands sits down across from me, "the Victory tour is some months away."

"I don't want to think or talk about the Victory tour. I'm not looking forward to the Games this year."

"None of us will, its the Quarter Quell. Every last one of us Victor's is dreading except maybe District 1 and 2. The Capitol always finds a way to make our work as mentors even more stressful than any normal Games. At least that's what I have heard. You will get numb to it after a while, Katniss. After a couple of tributes are killed and you realize that most years there is absolutely nothing you can do about it, you just stop feeling anything." Finnick hasn't ever spoken so openly to me before. We have spoken over the phone but we have kept it light, avoiding anything considered a heavy topic. I didn't think he was going to open up about being a mentor to me anytime soon. The front door swings open, both Finnick and I face it on our feet.

Haymitch laughs at us, "do my eyes deceive me or is that the Capitol's heartthrob in my neighbors living room?"

"Haymitch!" Finnick shakes Haymitch's hand. My mother calls us to dinner and I keep my mouth shut throughout dinner since Finnick's words over mentoring the Hunger Games is making my head spin. What if I can't handle the pressure? I eat about a quarter of my plate and stand up, "this was nice. Haymitch try not to pass out on the way home. Do I need to walk you across the street?" I eye the glass of water he has kept watering down with vodka.

Finnick tosses an arm around Haymitch, "I will get him home, Katniss." Finnick stands and helps Haymitch up, Haymitch isn't in too drunk, just a little tipsy. When he is in this state he thinks he is okay but can easily slip on the ice that is beginning to settle on the ground. Lately he has drunk more than usual, I think Peeta's death has taken a toll on him. It has taken a toll on me. Finnick walks out the door with Haymitch.

"He is a very nice young man, very polite." Mother says.

"Yes, well he was raised that way I assume." I help my mother stack dishes and carry them to the sink, "I think I will show him around town tomorrow, take him to the Seam."

"Will you take him to the woods?" Mother asks.

I think on it and shake my head, "no, the woods are for Gale and I." And Peeta too if he were here. He was my friend, he deserved to see my world. "The woods are my haven for myself and the few people who earn its respect."

"What if he earns it?" My mother questions, she starts scrubbing plates leaving her hands a bright pink pallor.

I shift my weight onto the counter, "then I will consider taking him. I'm heading off to bed, Mother. Goodnight." I head up the stairs and take a warm shower. I look at the panel of soaps, feeling sentimental I choose the vanilla soap. The scent reminding me of the cakes Peeta would frost, I would smell them every time I walked past the bakery. By the time I am ready to get out the shower, the scent of vanilla has brought a wave of sadness and nausea. I scrub my skin raw, pink and sore,until the smell of lavender has overpowered the scent of cakes and cookies. I wrap myself in a towel. I begin to braid my hair back but decide against it when my ribs show each time I raise my arms to braid. I toss on a shirt and some underwear. I click off the light and walk to my room and collapse into bed.

Thoughts of Peeta storm into my mind, his brutal slaughter, Rue's own slow and painful death. I sob into my pillow until I fall asleep.

* * *

_"Peeta!"_

I open my eyes staring out the window being splattered with heavy rain. I look over at the clock and frown, it isn't even one in the morning yet. Lightning strikes and sounds like the cannons from the arena. I gasp and pull the sheets closer to me. _It was lightning Katniss. Calm down._ I sit up on my elbows and allow my breathing to slow, a small pool of sweat in the small of my back begins to dry away. I blink a couple of times, force myself out of bed, and pace my room. Maybe the walk will let my mind go. Another lightning strike sends me scurrying to my bed, back pressed up against the headboard, my own body left in a slight tremor. I slip out my door and knock lightly on Finnick's door, "Finnick?"

The door opens a crack, "can't sleep?"

I open my mouth to answer and a crack of thunder accompanied with lightning makes me wince. Finnick opens the door, "winning means fame and fortune is what they say to us. They don't tell us that it is accompanied with nightmares, paranoia, stress, and nervous breakdowns over the smallest things."

I slip inside and sit on the edge of his bed, "well at least they were right about the fame and fortune part."

"Fame comes with its' own costs." Finnick sighs and sits down next to me. "You want to talk about it?"

I quickly shake my head, another cloud claps thunder and I cringe, Finnick lays down and pats the spot next to him. I tentatively sit down next to him, "you know there was one time were I was talked into attending a Capitol woman's funeral."

"That is dark, Finnick."

He shrugs, "honestly it was the brightest thing I have ever been to. Seriously, pink and yellow everywhere. And the food, it was...from another world."

I laugh, "really?"

"Oh yeah, you wouldn't believe the stuff they served. It was supposed to be to edgy for most of the Capitol and Panem. The deceased was a 'trend setter' you know? But I don't want to bore you with the details."

I settle against the pillow, "go ahead, I won't be able to fall asleep."

Finnick gives me a amused look. "You should try, exhaustion is not becoming on you." He laughs at his own joke.

I punch Finnick in the arm and roll my eyes, "what if the nightmares come back."

"I'll fight them off."

I raise my eyes at him, "with what? I don't see a trident anywhere."

"With my bare hands, obviously...If all else fails, I will resort to my charm and dashing good looks."

I laugh and close my eyes. Finnick hums a soft tune that sends me into a deep sleep. For the fist time since the Games, I sleep all night without a nightmare.

* * *

**See my divergent quote? Haha! I felt sentimental! Review tell me what you think. **


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Dull light streams through the window, I blink a few times letting my eyes adjust. The bed beside me shifts and I look over to see Finnick, his arm tucked under his head, his lips slightly parted. Bronze curls fall around his face, long blonde lashes glinting off the sunlight. It's no wonder that women fall in love with him the moment they lay eyes on him. I am not in love with him, but its easy to see why women are. I reach my fingertips forward to wipe his curls away, but decide against it. I wouldn't want him to take the situation the wrong way. I close my eyes, I slept through the night for the first time in weeks. Even when Finnick and I spoke over the phone I still woke up from a nightmare, just one that wasn't vivid or horrific enough to remember. The space next to me shifts and I decide to leave before he wakes up. The friendship I have with Finnick is fledging, I don't want him to make assumptions about how I feel towards him and make him question his role in my life. Finnick is a friend, it should stay that way. I slip out of bed and walk into the hallway. Tiptoeing past my mother's door, I head down the stairs, Prim is sitting at the table with two slices of toast on a plate and a glass of juice. She smiles at me, "good morning, Katniss."

"Morning Prim." It's these moments when I see Prim sitting at the table with enough food to leave the house with a full belly, warm clothes on her back, and a lunch that will keep her stomach from feeling empty by the end of school that I am willing to live through these nightmares. Seeing Prim healthy, full, and safe makes my decision to volunteer for her and win for her worth it. While I am plagued by haunting memories and forced to walk with emotional wounds that will never heal and scars that will never fade, it was all for Prim. I slide into the seat across from her and take a piece of toast from her plate, "when do you leave for school?"

"In about twenty minutes. Where is Finnick?"

"I think he's still asleep. I'm going to take him into the square today, maybe to the Meadow. Let him swim in the lake before it freezes for the winter."

"I think Finnick would like that. I should probably finish getting ready for today, you two have fun. I will see you when I get home from school." Prim pushes her chair in and kisses my on the cheek. Prim has gotten a few inches taller in the past few weeks, its amazing how quickly she is growing. Prim runs up the stairs and I stare at the empty glass across the table. I wonder if Finnick could be come a close friend of mine? It took me a very long time to become best friends with Gale, but then again we both were hostile. Both of us were focused on feeding out families not on becoming friends. Maybe if I stay focused on gaining a friendship, Finnick and I could become closer. I shake my head at the thought, Peeta was my friend possibly one of my closest friends I've ever had. He saved my life. Can I allow someone else into my life knowing I could lose them too?

_The Games are over, Katniss. You won't lose anyone else. _I push my conscience out as I hear more footsteps from the stairs, "are you ready for school little duck?"

"Aw, you have a nickname for me, Katniss. Okay you can be my Kitty Kat and I will be your little duck." Finnick somehow looks like he is prepared for an interview with Caesar after literally rolling out of bed, meanwhile my hair is a tangled nest and I look about as beautiful as Buttercup, Prim's cat.

I turn my head to Finnick and roll my eyes, "Finnick, I call _Prim _my little duck. I call you Finnick."

He slides into Prim's chair and swipes some crumbs onto his thumb and sticks it in his mouth, "mmm, bread and jam. You ate breakfast without me?"

"I had some toast with Prim. Are you hungry?" I gather some fruit from the counter and a dip my mother must have made from Prim's goat milk. I set it on the table and pour us each a glass of tea, "I think we will go to the square today, how does that sound?"

"Like fun, Kitty Kat." He plunges some fruit into the dip, "I also believe I was promised to visit this lake in a meadow?"

"Yeah," I glare at him, "I don't like nicknames. So don't call me Kitty Kat."

"You don't like it?"

"No, I don't like nicknames, didn't you hear me?"

Finnick gives me a cheeky smile and tosses a blueberry into his mouth, "then Kitty Kat it is." He tosses his head sweeping his curls to the side, I watch his bronze locks bounce off his forehead, "you like my curls? I usually keep my hair straight, but I think this look suits me." Finnick pushes his chair in and stands beside me.

I shrug, "I guess so. I'm going to get ready for today, you should too. We leave in an hour."

"Great idea, Kitty Kat." Finnick pinches my cheek as he walks away.

* * *

Finnick and I walk to the square in silence. We get an occasional glance from the people walking past us, some looking lustfully at Finnick, but most regard him with disgust. Here in District 12 we don't usually take kindly to anyone associated with the Capitol, Finnick is no exception. My pockets are heavy with money, I try and spread my wealth with everyone just by being steady business. That's another thing about us in District 12, we don't like charity. I can't just hand someone money, I have to make a fair and honest trade, my money for their product or service. I look towards the bakery, but decide against it. I don't want to think about Peeta today. I can't. Instead I walk towards the general store to pick up some candy for Prim and some more bandages for my mother's healing. Finnick doesn't speak, rather he is in shock at his surroundings. I don't know how things are in District 4, but compared to the Capitol District 12 is a hole in the wall. Our shops are rather bunched together with mismatch colors on the outside and washed out ribbons hanging from the windows. Although, if it's busy it has an almost holiday feel to it. I would consider it charming in a quirky kind of way. I walk into the store and grab a handful of candies and some bandages. "Want anything Finnick?"

Finnick is staring up at one of the aisles, his hands in his pockets, from here he looks like a casual and regular patron of town, a member of our District. He glances at me, "I don't think so." He glances at the shelves and grabs something, "I'll get this." Finnick sets down a box of sugar cubes and reaches into his pocket.

"Finnick, I can pay for it."

He nods, "alright, but I'm buying lunch." It's stupid really that we are even discussing who is paying for what. Both of us have more money than we could imagine spending, yet here we are acting as if spending a couple dollars on a meal and some small items is more than just reaching into full and velvet lined pockets. I set the supplies in my bag and decide to just carry Finnick's box of sugar cubes too. The people in the store have begun to stare a little too intently for my taste, I pat my bag, "let's go Finnick." We step outside and I walk towards the Meadow. Finnick walks beside me and stares at his shoes.

With his hair in soft curls, his face devoid of the Capitol's makeup, and in plain clothing, Finnick looks simply like a boy. An attractive boy, no amount of ordinary clothing can change that, but he appears to be 21 at most. I wonder if people see me and assume I am younger than I truly am. During my Games they made me look like a woman, something bright, vibrant, blazing with fire. But now, reduced to simple clothes without the hands of my prep team I am quite unextraordinary. Finnick shoots me a boyish smile, "Katniss, why are you staring at me?"

I blush, "I wasn't staring at you like _that._" I flick my gaze to my shoes, "you just look different...you look more real."

"You sure it's not because of my dashing good looks?"

"I'm positive, Odair. I may be the only person in the world not seduced by your charm and looks." I look up at Finnick. He stops walking and so do I, Finnick looks me over. He rests his hands on my shoulders and leans forward his eyes breaths from mine.

"Checking," Finnick really looks at me for a while. "You're right." He pulls me into a tight hug, I can feel the bones in my back beginning to pop.

"I can't breathe." I choke out. Finnick let's me go and presses a kiss to my forehead. I look quizzically at him, "what just happened?"

"You, Katniss Everdeen, are not attracted to me."

I cross my arms, "I know."

"That makes you special. You truly view me as your equal, there is no lust in your eyes, your eyes don't cling to my body, you don't even attempt to be nice to me. I haven't had a friend who saw me as a person and not an object of pleasure since Mags and a few other Victors. Even then some of them teased me or pushed me around for my looks. But you, you just look past them. You see me, Finnick Odair, not the Capitol heartthrob, or Panem's idol, you just see me."

Something about his words makes me feel the inkling of my old self, like if I try hard enough I can become whole again. Finnick smiles at me and follows me to the Meadow. I set my bag on the ground and look at the lake, "beautiful, huh?"

"It's not the beaches in District 4, but it'll do." Finnick smiles at me and tosses his shirt onto the ground, "aren't going to swim too?"

"I don't think so." I sit down and pop a few candies into my mouth. Finnick jumps into the lake, spraying me with cold water. I frown and wait for him to reappear to scold him for getting me wet. I see a few bubbles float up from the lake, but Finnick's bronze hair never bobs up from the murky water. "Finnick?" I call his name a couple of times, without an answer. He has to come up for air at some point right? I continue to call his name as seconds tick by.

_You called Peeta's name and he didn't answer. You kept shaking him, trying to stop all that blood. You kept screaming his name until your throat was searing in pain and you couldn't let out another sound. Peeta didn't answer. Finnick isn't answering either._

What if he got tangled in some plants at the bottom of the lake? A few months back a boy got tangled in those plants, they barely got him out in enough time to revive him.

Fear courses through me I think of how I lost Peeta just praying that he would answer me when I screamed his name. I don't even bother kicking off my shoes before I dive into the ice cold water I lost Peeta because I failed to act, I can't lost Finnick for the same reason. I open my eyes and struggle to see past the lake's green color. I see the outline of Finnick, swim towards him as he floats upward. I bob my head above water to see Finnick smiling at me, "I thought you weren't going to swim."

"I thought you were drowning or something!" I grit my teeth and swim towards him, "I might just drown you myself!" Finnick laughs and swims from me. My anger continues to build as he gets farther from me. "Finnick, what's wrong with you? I'm soaking wet because you were under there so long. What were you thinking, I thought you were dying!" The idea of losing Finnick like I lost Peeta brings tears into my eyes. I press my nails into my palms, "I can't believe you, Finnick! It wasn't funny." I swim to the bank and pull myself out the lake. I slip my bag over my shoulder and stomp away, a small puddle of water following me. I can hear Finnick running behind me, but I can't let him see how my lips are trembling. That was a cruel thing to do. Finnick's hand grasps my shoulder and I turn to face him. Finnick whispers, "I'm sorry."

"Don't you do that again Finnick Odair! Do you hear me!" Angry tears are bleeding down my cheeks, "do you hear me?"

"Yes, Katniss. Did it ever occur to you that I can stay under water longer than the average person."

I open my mouth to protest and snap it shut. Finnick smirks and looks down at me, "why don't we head back to your house okay? I'm sorry, again."

"Just forget about it," I mumble under my breath we walk through the square drenched, water rolling down our legs and leaving a long trail of water with each step we take. Finnick laughs out of nowhere, "you know I'm hungry?"

"Oh you are? What do you want?"

"I can make lunch. I must warn you, I make a mean PB & J." Finnick starts talking about his sandwich making skills. I open the door to the house and toss my bag on the couch. I kick off my sopped shoes, "I'm heading to the kitchen to make lunch, Kitty Kat." Finnick smiles as I shoot him a glare,"hm, maybe I will call you Kitty for short."

I growl and turn towards the hallway. Stopping in my tracks I stare at the two men clad in white standing outside the office in my house. Why are peacekeepers in my house? "Finnick?"

I can hear plates being taken out from the kitchen, "yeah, Kitty?"

"Come here, _now."_

Finnick walks to me and nearly drops the plate in his hands. The door to the office opens and a new peacekeeper steps foreword, "I'll make my introductions short since you have someone more important to speak with. I'm the new Head peacekeeper, Romulus Thread. President Snow is waiting for you inside."

My mouth goes dry, President Snow is _in _my house. Finnick presses his hand on my back and pushes me into the office, making me do what my mind and body refuse to. The pungent smell of white roses twists into my lungs, I suck in a sharp breath and try not to retch with the smell. Finnick maneuvers me to the chair across from President Snow, he licks his lips and a shiver runs down my spine. Finnick sits down next to me, "good morning, sir."

Finnick has taken a role I would have expected of Peeta, speaking for me. Snow smiles and sips from a glass of tea, "good morning, Mr. Odair, Ms. Everdeen." Another sip, "please excuse my intrusion, Ms. Everdeen. I felt you would prefer to speak to you when your mother and sister are not home. We wouldn't want them to ask dangerous questions would we?"

I find my voice, "we would not. How can I help you, President Snow?"

A lick of his lips, a nod in my direction, "you see Ms. Everdeen," he glances at Finnick, "and you as well, Mr. Odair. I would like us to all be open with each other. Do you think we can manage that?"

"Yes." Finnick and I say together.

"I'm glad we have this open understanding now. You see, Ms. Everdeen it seems that not everyone has forgotten your 'declaration' of love in the arena. Some have even misinterpreted those actions and that is very dangerous, someone could get hurt."

"What do I need to do?"

"The people need a new fixation, Ms. Everdeen. They need to forget about your little stunt, if Peeta had survived your attempts to survive things would be different. Since he is not, things will work like this: the Capiol adores you. You are their new item of fixation and some have shown a real interest in your company."

My heartbeat is drumming through my ears, he wants me to sell myself. I can't, I won't, he will have to kill me before I am pawned off to be an object of lust in the Capitol. I'm not strong like Finnick, I can't survive this. "Before you protest, Ms. Everdeen, consider your dear family. I wouldn't want your cousin to suffer a tragic accident in those mines." _Gale. _"And your sister, Prim, she has survived one reaping why don't we keep the odds in her favor, shall we?" _Prim?_

Finnick clears his throat, "may I suggest something?"

President Snow glances at him, "go ahead, Mr. Odair." He sets his teacup down and rests his elbows on the desk. "I'm interested to see what your thoughts are."

"I only want Panem to stand strong and united. I don't think that Katniss being, well let's be frank, a prostitute for the elite is in your best interests." President Snow's eyebrows flick up, "you see, President Snow, the people love her. If she just moves to the Capitol out of nowhere, they will be suspicious. I have spent some time here with the people of District 12 and they are well aware of my situation in the Capitol. As a result they show resentment towards you and the Capitol, taking Katniss and forcing her into this will be like a martyr to the people. If we want the people to fixate on something else, maybe a different type of distraction would be better. Of course this is your decision, I am just merely speaking of what I have seen here in Katniss's home."

I try not to gape at Finnick, how could he be so bold with Snow? I wouldn't dare to say that to Snow, he has made it clear he sees and knows everything, he can kill Prim or Gale. I can't risk that. I'm grateful to Finnick for speaking up for me, but I can only see negative consequences from this. Snow stays quiet for a long time, an uncomfortable and tense silence between everyone. Snow grins, it's cold and heartless, "you see, Mr. Odair, this is why you are one of my favorite Victors. You always want the best for Panem. I have thought over your suggestions and perhaps a compromise can be met. I am a reasonable man, quite open to your thoughts as long as they benefit all parties interested. Here is my new proposition, the people need to know you support the Capitol, that you support their peace and quiet these moments of unrest. Ms. Everdeen, the people are quite fascinated with your star-crossed lover. And you, Mr. Odair, have been eager to find a way out of your circumstances. Perhaps, this compromise will be lucrative and influential for all involved. Shall we entertain them with a new love affair, hm?"

I keep my confusion hidden, Finnick glances at me, "what do we need to do."

"Convince me."


	6. Chapter 5

**I'm a writer and math is not my forte, and did the math like this: correct me if I'm wrong. **

**So I subtracted Katniss' Hunger Games from Finnick's Games, which is 74-65. Which is 9. **

**And we know that Finnick won his games at 14. So 14+9. Which was 23 which I subtracted from Katniss' age of 16. **

**Which gave me a grand total of a seven years difference between the two. PLEASE CORRECT ME IF IM WRONG! I SUCK, LITERALLY I AM HORRIBLE AT MATH! Once again, I HATE math nor am I good and it, and this was the most math I have done that wasn't assigned in like..forever.**

* * *

**Chapter 5**

Snow stands and sets a single white rose on the table, "a gift for you, Ms. Everdeen." He walks away, the steps of him and the peacekeepers echo out my house. I stare blankly at the white rose, the sent making me nearly gag. Finnick pulls me up and pushes me out the office, I turn to face him, "what just happened?"

"We need to sit down and talk, Katniss." Finnick falls into the couch and motions for me to sit next to him. I sit down, shaken by the idea of being forced into selling myself to the Capitol. "Katniss, if Peeta was still alive what do you think Snow would demand of you?"

I chew my lip, "I never thought much about it." I pull at the hem of my shirt, "I guess we would just be Victors and friends."

Finnick shakes his head at me, "Katniss think about it, really think. What was the reason everyone thinks that you pulled those berries?"

"Love, we told them it was because of love." A metallic taste fills my mouth, "so Snow would want us to keep that act up."

Finnick rubs his chin, "yes. But consider what Snow would want from you in the long run?"

I press my fingers to my temples, "we would pretend to be in love...and we couldn't ever really break up, then our star-crossed love would be looked at as a sham. Which Snow can't have, so you don't think Snow would force us into marriage?" One look at Finnick answers my question, "that's exactly the type of thing he would force Peeta and I to do. He would probably force us to have children so we can watch them be reaped for the games and killed." All the energy I had just an hour ago has drained, I can hardly even motivate myself to raise my eyes from the floor to Finnick. "What does it matter, Finnick? Peeta is dead."

"Katniss," his voice soft, "do you know what Snow has asked us to do?"

My jaw falls open slightly, "no, Finnick. He can't be doing this. He can't." I shake my head, "I wasn't exactly sure-" I toss my thoughts around and my mouth goes dry, "Finnick he can't be asking us to do this?"

"That's what he told us we have to do. He said we have to _convince _him, Katniss."

"Will you have to keep up your 'appointments' in the Capitol if we do this?"

Finnick tips his head back against the couch, "no. I won't." He takes a deep breath, "I won't have to ever set foot in the Capitol again with the exception for the Victory Tour, but all of us have to go for that." I grasp Finnick's hand in mine. Snow will demand a marriage then children who will be reaped. Maybe if Finnick and I cooperate and act well enough he will let us raise our child in a Career district so they can be prepared to face the Hunger Games. "Katniss?"

"Yeah?"

"We are going to be okay, you know?"

I nod, "yeah I know." I close my eyes, "I'm going to get some sleep okay? Before Prim and my mother get home." I stand up and dust myself off.

"You are going to be okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine." I stumble up the steps with the stench of white roses choking the air out of my lungs. I fling open the door and collapse into bed with tears bleeding into my pillow, the sound of my sobs lulling me to sleep.

* * *

_Katniss?_

_Katniss?_

_Katniss!_

_It keeps hissing my name, two warm brown eyes appear from the darkness, are those Rue's eyes? I reach out for her as sharp sparkling white teeth lash out at me. The dog steps forward hissing my name, barring it's teeth, blood begins to drip off its muzzle as it tears at my flesh._

"Katniss! Wake up!" Finnick is crouching beside my bed. "You are going to be okay."

"Yeah." I cough as bile pushes into my throat, "what's that smell?"

Finnick gives me a sarcastic laugh, "a dozen white roses came in for us an hour ago from our dear friend, Coriolanus Snow."

I scramble from the bed and pull my shoes on. I run down the steps grabbing the vase of white roses and open the card with the printed words: _For the Happy Couple_. I suppress the want to retch, rummage through the drawers to find a match and stuff it into my pocket. Finnick walks behind me as I thrust open my back door and slam the vase onto the wall sending it into a million shards of glass. I start to scream until my throat is searing in pain, kicking at the wall, smashing the pieces and rose petals beneath my feet. Crashing to my knees I begin sobbing into my chest, glass pops beneath my weight, biting at my flesh. I reach into my pocket and light the match. A want for destruction pushes me to toss it onto the flowers and watch the pure white petals curl up, charred black. I just sit there crying out all the pain, all the frustration, all the anger until I go numb.

I feel two arms lift me off the ground and carry me inside. Finnick sets me on the counter, "roll up your pant leg. You have glass shards all over you."

I lean down and roll my pants up, blood trickles down my legs, I lean my head back against the cabinet and let silent tears streak my face. I bite my lip as Finnick cleans the shards out, "thank you." I whisper.

"Don't mention it, Katniss." He chuckles and helps me off the counter, "your claws came out, Kitty. Meow." He wiggles his eyebrows and purrs at me.

I send him a glare, "shut up, Odair."

"Oh how your glare tears at my fragile heart!" He clasps his hands over his heart and smiles at me. He takes a breath, "you feel better now?"

I frown, "yeah, I just needed to get that smell out of my house. So how are we going to manage this whole...thing?"

Finnick shrugs, "are we going to tell your family?"

Can I tell Prim? My mother? I can't involve them with Snow, I need to keep them safe, the less they know the better. Snow was right about one thing, I can't let them ask dangerous questions. "No, if we can fool them, we can fool Panem and if we're lucky maybe even Snow."

Finnick nods. "Okay, we have to make this believable." The front door shakes a bit and I hear keys being drawn out. Finnick looks at me, "ready for the trial run?"

"What?"

Finnick pulls me to him and lowers his voice, "smile, giggle, put your hands around my neck, when the door opens pull away and blush. Trust me, I'm Finnick Odair I know these things." He winks at me before pulling me closer.

I roll my eyes, but as the door opens I do as I'm told. Peeta always had to move me in the right direction like Finnick is now. Prim and my mother stare at us for a moment as I pull away from Finnick's grasp and tuck my hair behind my ear. Finnick slips away from me and clears his throat, "I promised Haymitch I would check up on him today." He walks down the hall and smiles hello to Prim and my mother. The door shuts behind him and Prim glances at me and walks up the stairs. My mother walks to the kitchen and doesn't face me, "Katniss, I don't know what was going on, but I-"

I clear my throat, "there isn't anything to discuss, mother. Let me make my own choices."

"Judging by what I walked in on I disagree. He is seven years older than you, Katniss. You're still a teenage girl and he is a man, not a boy. "

I wish I could tell them the truth. Instead I swallow and keep my tone even, "no, I'm not a girl. Not after the Hunger Games, I have _killed _people mother, I have watched other people be _killed in front of me. _The moment that first cannon went off in the arena I lost the privilege of calling myself a girl. I lost that innocence, I'm a woman, an adult. I expect that my decisions will be mine and mine only to make." I turn on my heel and walk out the house. I glance around Victor's Village to see Finnick sitting on the steps of the front door. "I thought you went to Haymitch's house."

"You think I really stopped by that crazy drunk's house and woke him from his sleep?" He shakes his head, "I'm going to head inside and turn in early for today. It's been quite exhausting. Don't you think?"

I nod as Finnick stands up, he stops as he passes me, "should I kiss your cheek or something? I don't know who is around."

I shrug, "we should probably start working on public affection. I know it's only platonic." Finnick presses a quick kiss to my cheek, "goodnight Finnick."

"Night to you, Kitty." Finnick walks inside as I walk across the street to see if Haymitch needs more liquor.

* * *

I watch the moonlight glint off the glass of water in my hands. The gravity of what has transpired today will slam into my chest, knocking air out of my lungs. I imagine all the things Snow will try to control now that he holds the reigns to my life. Will he force us to be married? To have children? His threats are not without warrant. He has threatened Prim and Gale; I wonder who he has threatened in order to get Finnick to agree to this. What sickens me the most is that I know he won't hesitate to do what he has said and I am completely powerless to stop him. I make my way upstairs and check on Prim to find her cheek to cheek with her cat. I shut the door and move down the hall, past my mother who hasn't spoken to me since I told her to leave me and my decisions alone. As I move past Finnick's room, I hear a small bleat come from his room. I switch my gaze between my door and his.

Maybe I should just peek the door open and make sure he is okay. The door opens slightly and Finnick is wrapped tightly in his sheets. From here his face is as white as a sheet. I slip into the room and near Finnick, up close I can see the tremors that have consumed him and a cold sweat has broken out over his forehead. Is this what Finnick's nightmares look like? Silent, uncontrolled, shaky,a cold sweat? I brush his forehead, "Finnick? Hey, Finnick wake up."

After a few more tries of whispering his name and shaking him, Finnick opens his eyes. I'm startled by the look I see within those eyes, it's strikingly similar to the look I see in my prey. Terror, panic, and confusion. Finnick stares at me for a long time, "Katniss?"

"Hey," I whisper, "I thought waking you up might help. You know, with the nightmares."

"Sure." He sits up and presses his fingers to the bridge of his nose, "are you okay?"

"I'm fine, you don't look so hot, though." Finnick moves over and I sit down next to him, "I've been thinking, Katniss."

"About Snow? Or about what he is forcing us into?"

Finnick shrugs, "both I guess." He closes his eyes, "are...are you scared?"

I twist my hair and bite down on my lip, "I'm not scared for me, Finnick. I'm not even scared for you, we are Victor's we are know how to survive." I swallow the fear that is building inside of me, saying this out loud makes my fears and worries real, "I'm scared for the children Snow will make us have. I never wanted them before this point, but you and I both know he won't let us walk away from this without paying in the worst possible ways. I can't bare the thought of losing a child in the arena or even having to watch them come out of the arena. Sometimes...sometimes, I wonder which is truly worse, dying in the Hunger Games or surviving it." Finnick puts an arm around me, we sit there in silence for a few moments, "I just don't want him to rip our lives apart. I don't want to fall apart if I lose a child to the Games."

"Katniss, if it comes to that, I won't let anything bad happen. I promise, I won't let harm come to that child in any way."

I nod and lean my head against his shoulder. "When do you think the cameras will start showing up? "

"Snow won't wait long too get word out. Judging by how urgently he wanted a distraction, things must be heating up in the districts. I would expect to see them by tomorrow or the day after." Finnick loosens his grip on my shoulder, "you should get some rest, Katniss. If we were right, tomorrow will be an odd day for both of us."

I nod and pull the covers over my shoulder, "goodnight, Finnick." I think Finnick replied but I was too far gone to hear it.

* * *

"Katniss?" Is that my mother's voice?

I open my eyes and turn to face Finnick. "Finnick? Who is calling my name?"

He grumbles and turns from me. I shake him and ask again. He doesn't open his eyes, "it's your mother." He turns away from me and lets out a soft snore. Finnick, I have now discovered, is not a fan of early mornings. I hear my mother call my name again. This time I can hear her open the door to my room.

"Odair, wake up!" I hiss, "my mother is checking rooms now, what are we going to do."

Finnick turns to face me and only opens one eye to see my face, "if I solve this problem will you let me sleep?"

"Yes!" Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Finnick closes his eyes, wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me to him. I don't think this is what I pictured when he said he would solve the problem. I begin to scold him until he tells me to be quiet.

"Look, we need this to look real, right? So just pretend to be asleep, and I am going to sleep. See problem solved." Finnick takes one last breath before he is back in a deep slumber. I had no idea that Finnick could have this annoyed and irritating side. I actually smile, he isn't the charming and perfect person he pretends to be. And he isn't gorgeous either, as a matter of fact that nightmare he had yesterday put his hair into a tangled ball of curl. I hear my name get called again and shut my eyes as the door swings open.

"Katniss?" I don't move as my mother rounds the bed, "Katniss Everdeen!"

I open my eyes, "Mother?" I keep my tone even, incredulous.

"Katniss, explain this?" She tries so hard to be a mother now that things are better for us. Now that we have money and food and she can bring herself out of the depression she fell into when my father died. Sometimes I wish she would realize that she can't expect to step into that role now that everything is just dandy and perfect. Normally, I appreciate that she is trying to be a real mother again because of Prim, but other times I wonder if she really believes that her tone scares me or that her words influence me. Despite this being a fake situation, it still gives me a sense of hope for my mother as well as dread at having to play with her like this.

"Mother, Finnick is trying to sleep." I gently lift his arm and slip out from his grasp. I stalk out the room where my mother follows. I turn to her quickly, "I'm going to Haymitch's house. Prim needs her lunch for today." I pull my boots on and toss my father's old hunting jacket over my shoulders before heading out the door. Leaving my mother with a hundred words still hanging off her lips.

I force open the door to Haymitch's house and slush through piles of crap that seem to have expanded over the past few days. "Haymitch, we have to talk!" I find him awake tossing leftover stale bread to his geese. "Haymitch!"

"No need to yell, sweetheart. God, if I didn't know any better you are excited to see me."

"Far from it, Haymitch. I just came by to let you know what happened yesterday."

Haymitch laughs, "oh and what happened? Did you and Golden Boy over there play a game of jacks?"

I roll my eyes, "Snow came to see us." Haymitch stops tossing bread, "he stopped by, not for long, but long enough to make his point. Then he sent flowers and a card, to make sure it was obvious what he wanted form me."

Haymitch sets down the bowl of bread, "are you leaving?"

"I almost had to, but Finnick talked me out of it." Haymitch raises his eyes at me, "Haymitch, Finnick got me out of it. But we traded one slavery for another."

Haymitch nods, "and?"

"Finnick and I are now a budding romance. Soon to be followed by the adoring public eye and to become the crown jewel of Panem's Victors. Things are heating up in the Districts, he wants a distraction. This was the only other option I had."

Haymitch nods, "and the two of you agreed to it?"

"Of course," I sigh. "I just thought you would want to know from me instead of seeing it on the covers of the hottest magazine or something."

Haymitch nods and grabs his bowl, "thanks for the heads up, Katniss."

"Haymtich, we might need your help. If you will help us."

Haymitch has always been bitter, not the most likely ally I can find but if he cares for you in his own drunk and backwards way he will have your back. Haymitch shrugs like it doesn't matter one way or the other, "I guess...I never stop being your mentor do I?"

A smile spreads across my face, "thank you Haymitch."

"Yeah, whatever. You kids always get me to risk my neck trying to save yours. Now get out, my geese are hungry and you are taking away from their feeding time."I stand up laughing to myself as I hear him mumble to himself, "always popping up in here, yelling at me about my house, your as bad as that Capitol woman you know. Effie always making me shower and buy new clothes for the Games."

Haymitch Abernathy may be one of the most twisted, backwards, and drunkest people I have ever met and for some crazy reason he has snaked his way into my family.


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Finnick and I walk to the square painfully aware of the 'citizens' fixated on our movements. Finnick was right, Snow is desperate for a distraction for the people of Panem, so far we have spotted four Capitol photographers hopelessly failing at blending into District 12. Of course, Finnick and I pretend not to notice, walking past without even glancing their way. As if their full faces and fed frames weren't hint enough, the 'rustic' jacket they wear, that must have cost the amount I used to make trading at the Hob for half a year, is dead give away. Regardless of these pitfalls, Finnick and I go on as if we don't have the slightest idea we are being watched. When we get to the general store, one of the photographers has posted themselves on the aisle in front of ours, Finnick gets a wicked grin on his face and looks at me. He pulls a lone sunflower from behind his back and hands it to me. "A sunflower for you, Kitty Kat."

"Finnick it's beautiful...where did you find it?" I glance around the aisle and find a stack of fresh bouquets, one of which missing one of the bright yellow sunflowers from it's display. The photographer glances at me and pretends to look at an item on the same aisle as us. I smile at Finnick, "thank you." Finnick takes my sunflower and puts it in my hair then draws me close. He takes my hand and twirls me around, Finnick begins to guide us in slow circles, humming a song. I laugh, "what are you doing?"

"Haven't you danced, Katniss?" Finnick keeps moving me. I frown and shake my head. Finnick stops and puts my hand right on his shoulder, then sets his hand on my upper back, "okay this is how you stand when you are dancing with a Game-maker or a politician."

I nod, "why like this?"

"Well, this is a formal stance when dancing. You keep about this far apart, too. Just let whoever your dancing partner is guide you. Okay?" Finnick draws me slightly closer and lowers his hand to my waist, "Now this is how you dance with a friend, or someone from the Capitol. See how it's more relaxed, less stiff?"

"Okay, so far and stiff with Game-maker, relaxed and close with friends." I say.

Finnick smiles and pulls me up against him, he takes my hands and puts them at the back of his neck then sets his hands on my hips, "and this is how you dance with me."

I raise my eyebrows, "oh and why only with you?"

Finnick smiles and stares at me with those sea-green eyes, "can I kiss you, Katniss Everdeen?"

Even though this is all for show, I feel violated by the presence of this Capitolite's eyes. I shake the thought from my mind, "yes, you can." Finnick leans forward and barely presses his lips to mine. It's soft and gentle, it doesn't make my heart stop or even make me want more. It's sweet and innocent. As innocent as a kiss shared between small children, and for some reason this makes me feel even more violated by the eyes of this photographer. Finnick smiles at me, and I smile back. I want to thank Finnick for the innocent simplicity of the kiss, even when I kissed Peeta I could feel his emotions for me. Sometimes I felt something for him too, but it was always confusing trying to discern what I felt for Peeta. But this kiss was so sweet, so gentle, so soft, that it is the one kiss I prize most.

* * *

I expect the walk to my house to be awkward, and while some uncomfortable gaps of silence ensued it wasn't enough to make either of us feel too confused with each other. Finnick glances at me before walking into the house. "Do you think they will show what happened today?" I ask.

Finnick nods, "I bet if we turn on the television around dinner our pictures will be all over the news." Finnick walks into the office and sits down in the chair Snow was in just a day ago. I sit on the desk next to him and frown. Snow didn't even give us a few days to figure out how this would work, things must really be getting more violent in the other districts. "Katniss?"

"Hm?" I twirl the sunflower between my fingers.

"Katniss, I want us to make a pact. I want you and I to promise that no matter how far this whole thing goes we will stay friends. Every time that door closes, shutting us out from the world, I want the two of us to stay friends. We can pretend to be in love for the world, but I don't want to gain you as a lover and lose you as a friend. Okay? Do you think we can keep the two separate?"

I stand up and hug Finnick, "of course." My face is pressed against the crook of his neck, the sharp scent of what must be the ocean fills my nostrils. I look at the sunflower I set on the desk, how odd that Peeta was my dandelion in the spring and Finnick has become my sunflower in the storm. The mere thought of Peeta being my salvation through out my life sends me into an emotional breakdown. "I can't do this alone, Finnick."

"You don't have to." Finnick stands there holding me as I cry. The sound of the front door opening doesn't make me stop, as a matter of fact it makes me cry harder. I have to lie to Prim, I have to lie to Gale. _Gale. _I haven't even seen him in the past weeks since I came home, he has been working at the mines on every day except Sunday. Finnick absently runs circles over my back until I feel like my eyes can't create any more tears. I step back and wipe my nose, Finnick sets his hand on the small of my back. The sunflower is slipped into my pocket, I look up to the doorway and find my mother and Prim watching me. My mother shifts her gaze and walks away from the office.

Prim walks to me and wraps her fragile arms around my waist. "It'll be okay, Katniss." She kisses me on the cheek and then looks at Finnick. "Thank you Finnick. For helping us put my sister back together." She kisses Finnick on the cheek and leaves the two of us alone.

Finnick takes one last look at me before pressing a kiss to my temple, "shall we go see what the people of Panem are gossiping about today?"

"Yeah, maybe we won't be on there." I say.

"Maybe you are right."

* * *

Finnick climbs into my bed, my dark room lights up when he turns on the screen. "Ready, Kitty Kat?"

"No time like the present." I nestle into the covers and watch Caesar Flickerman's face take up half my room. Today he is in a hot pink suit dyed with pink lashes and hair. Effie Trinket must be excited to see that Caesar is wearing her favorite color. Caesar turns to the screen and flashes us a large grin, "Good evening, Panem!" Caesar laughs and starts rattling off people I have never heard of and the latest gossip on their lives.

It never ceases to amaze me how the people of the Career Districts and the Capitol can get so engrossed in others lives. Don't they have a family? Friends? People who need their attention more than the people they idolize? I never could understand the Capitol's obsession with their celebrities, maybe because I spent my whole life fighting for food and survival. Finnick nudges me and points to the screen, Caesar get's quiet and winks at the screen, "now for our special and groundbreaking news, could our Girl on Fire caught the attention of District 4's own heart throb? Yes, dear fans! Has our own Katniss Everdeen tamed Finnick Odair? Rather has Finnick Odair tamed Katniss Everdeen's flame?" He laughs at his own pun, "let's see the footage." The screen goes dark for a while and then flickers up again. The photographer didn't even get pictures of our day in the square they got video.

It's unreal watching Finnick and I dance in the aisles of a store and even watching our kiss. Is that really me? Did I really smile like that? Did I blush? The screen flips back to Caesar, "don't lose too much hope ladies, while it looks like Finnick Odair might be looking to settle down he may also be continuing in his pattern of temporary lovers. Only time will tell, and what of our Girl on Fire? Is she truly over her own lost love, Peeta Mellark? We have seen these two Victor's with other romances before. But could this be serious? An insider states that Finnick and Katniss have been exceptionally close as of late." Insider? I shake my head and try not to laugh. Caesar frowns, "we know for Finnick Odair that this will be his first serious relationship since his long term relationship with Annie Cresta his fellow District 4 Victor, who unfortunately committed suicide just a few years-" I flip the screen off. I remember when Annie died, it was one of the topics for discussion here. Was it really suicide or was it the Capitol? Everyone knew she wasn't right after seeing her District partner beheaded, but rumors also circulated that Snow had her killed. Her insanity making people question the ethics behind the games.

I look at Finnick, "I'm sorry." He stays quiet, I can see the pain in his eyes. I grasp his hand and rest my head on his shoulder, "we don't have to watch what they have to say." I look up and see the glazed over look in his eyes. "Finnick?"

"It was my fault Katniss." Finnick doesn't look at me, but keeps his eyes fixed on a point in the distance, "it was my fault that he killed her. I told him I wouldn't take any more appointments, that I was going to marry Annie and I was done with the Capitol...Two days later two peacekeepers knock on my door to tell me Annie was dead."

I sit on my knees and take his face in my hands, "Finnick that wasn't your fault. Listen to me, okay? You can't blame yourself for what Snow did."

"But I could have stopped it! If I had just paid more attention, she should have been with me." Finnick lowers his voice, "don't you ever think that if you had done more you could have saved Peeta?"

I look away from him, the muscles in body tense at the mention of letting Peeta die. My hand flies up and nearly slaps Finnick, I stop myself and tighten my fist, "we can't let them control us Finnick. That's exactly what we are doing right now, letting them mess with our heads. What happened to Annie and Peeta isn't our fault, it was Snow. He did this to us, he killed them, we didn't do anything wrong." I pulls his face to mine and stare into his eyes, "Promise me you won't blame yourself."

Finnick stares at me, "okay."

"Say. It."

"I promise I won't blame myself." Finnick rests his forehead against mine. I don't know how long we sit there, foreheads pressed together, with nothing but silent tears streaming down our cheeks.

"We are going to be okay, Finnick. One day, I promise we will."

* * *

When I wake up the space beside me is cold. I stretch my hand across the cotton sheets and try to motivate myself to wake up and find Finnick. I pull myself up and throw my legs over the side of the bed. The sun sits low, it must be midday. How did I sleep through the morning without being woken up? Where did Finnick go? I walk down the stairs and see Finnick with the phone on his ear, "no, I'm sorry I didn't tell you...Johanna, please just try to understand!"

Johanna? Footsteps behind me make me swivel to see Prim looking at us. I grasp Finnick's shoulder and he wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me to his lap. Finnick sets the phone back and looks at me, "Johanna Mason, District 7, is angry I didn't tell her I was seeing you."

"Oh, the two of you are friends?" I try hard to sound slightly jealous, I must do a good job because Prim giggles. "What are you laughing at little duck?"

Prim shrugs, "are you jealous?"

"You're jealous? Kitty, I expected more of you." Finnick kisses my cheek, "it's okay, Johanna Mason is just a friend. You on the other hand are my _girlfriend." _Finnick pulls me closer, "people have been calling all morning asking for statements on our relationship. Should I call them back?"

"Maybe later, I was hoping that today we could just relax." A knock on the door captures my attention, Prim walks to the door as I consider what I want to eat. Prim walks back into the room with a dozen white roses and our new head peace keeper, Romulus Thread. I swallow the bile that has risen through my throat, "hello, Commander Thread."

"Ms. Everdeen. Mr. Odair, I came with a personal present from President Snow and was told to oversee its delivery personally." He nods a goodbye to me and walks out the house. I look at the bouquet, "Prim, throw them away. Right now." Prim stares at me with the roses in her hands. I press my fingers to the bridge of my nose, "Prim, do it. Now." Prim hesitates for one moment before she walks out to the kitchen. I stand up abruptly, "I'm going out to the woods." I need to see Gale, I need to forget about the Capitol for a while, be at home in the forest. I slip on my father's jacket after pulling on my boots and grab my bow and arrows from the closet near the front door. For some reason no matter how hard I try, Snow won't disappear from my life. I bound to the forest, I hardly even check to see if the electricity is on or if Prim or Finnick followed me. I find Gale sitting on the log that houses my father's bows. "Gale?"

Gale looks up at me and smiles, coal dust has settled into the lines of his face, "Catnip." He walks towards me and pulls me into his embrace, "how are you? I never see you anymore."

"I'm fine." I take a slow breath, "Gale, how are the mines?"

"Dark, depressing, coal filled air. But people are getting tired of it Katniss." I stare at him, he smiles at me, "Katniss things are changing. I hear things, in the mines. The people are tired of this, there are rumors of uprisings in 8 and 11. Now those rumors are beginning to start here in District 12. It's exciting Katniss! Consider what we can change, what we can do if we band together."

"Gale!" I scowl, "you can't talk like this. It's dangerous to you and anyone else who talks about it." Gale furrows his eyebrows and keeps trying to convince me of a need to rise from the oppression of Panem. I hope that he realizes how much danger he is just by being associated with me, but these talks of rebellion are going to get him in real danger. He could be killed for treason, especially now that Thread is in power. Gale stares at me in silence. A small branch cracks behind me and I turn to see Finnick behind me.

"Who is that?"

I turn to Gale, "that's Finnick Odair."

"Why is he here?" Gale stands a little taller as Finnick nears me and sets his hand on my waist. "Katniss..." Gale looks away from me.

Finnick whispers to me that I need to see the note Snow left on the card. I step towards Gale, "Gale, please be careful. Okay?" I wait for him to respond to me, but he keeps his eyes trained on everything but me. I sigh and walk away, hoping Gale would stop me. Hoping he would run after me, he is my best friend and I would expect that of him. Finnick takes my hand and walks with me to the house and drags me to his room where he shuts and locks the door.

Finnick leans against the counter and hands me the card. I open it up and look at Finnick, "all he said was 'Wish the two of you the best!' Finnick. I don't understand the big deal."

"Katniss, I have been working for Snow for years, when he sends regular gifts it means you are doing a good job and he expects that same level of work if not more. Now that the story is out, we have to keep delivering. We have to have a strategy Katniss. We need to keep track of what we do and say, create a story. Make it believable."

"I agree, Finnick. So what next?"

Finnick rubs his hands together, "I think we should get more press."

"How can we manage that? We are out her in District 12, you saw how easily the last photographers fit in, they won't last long here." I sit on the edge of his bed, "you know I've never seen the ocean before. How does District 4 sound?"


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Finnick reminds me of Gale and Peeta. Every couple of weeks, I wake up to find him pacing, ranting about Snow, listing all the ways he wants to make him pay for what he has done to us. I let him yell and scream just like I let Gale because in both cases, better with me in private than in public with witnesses. Sometimes I forget if I am sitting in the woods with Gale or on the beach with Finnick. Finnick has this fire, this resistance in his eyes that embodies the spirit of the Victors. Our need to survive, our need to keep the odds in our favor.

At other times, Finnick is like Peeta. Some mornings when I wake up, Finnick smiles at me and simply tells me that I'm beautiful. The beauty of it is that I know Finnick means it in the most innocent of ways. It reminds me of the kind of thing Peeta would do, just to make me smile or to remind me that I am a 16 year old girl, not a killer. At moments like this, I see just Finnick Odair, flirtatious, obnoxious, spontaneous, and desperate for a good laugh. Finnick opens the back door biting back his laughter, "oh come on, Kitty. Glaring into the night won't change anything." Finnick sits down beside me, I keep my eyes trained on my feet dangling off the back porch. "It was just a joke, light hearted fun."

"Attaching a shark fin to your back and swimming straight at me is not lighthearted. I was terrified that a shark was going to rip my limbs apart. It was cruel." My eyes flicker away from his, the wind blows my hair back into a tangled curls and I struggle not to toss an insult to Finnick.

His hand brushes a stray piece of hair behind my ear, "you're beautiful, you know?"

This earns him a small smile that I try to wipe away, but every time he does something like that I think of Peeta. It's when Finnick reminds me of Peeta that I don't feel an agonizing tug at my heart, sometimes it even feels like Peeta is still here. I often question whether I was at least a little bit in love with Peeta Mellark. I knew I loved him, but when Finnick reminds me of the small things Peeta did for me I wonder how much I felt for him. I guess I'll never know for sure. Finnick stands up and offers me his hand, "we have been closed up in here for three days just getting fat and sitting on the beach." He pinches at my waist that is no longer skin and bones. "Kitty, I think it's time we make an appearance." Finnick said yesterday that if we act like we normally do and toss in a few kisses here and there, Snow will believe it and so will Panem. If we aren't faking anything but a kiss, I don't see how anything could go wrong. Maybe I can pull this off.

* * *

Finnick and I don't go to any great lengths not to be seen, I've simply stopped caring as of late. Finnick has his arm around my shoulders and keeps me close to him as we walk through the streets of District 4. People stop and gape at us, others whisper to each other and point from afar. Finnick leads us to a jewelry store. He moves his lips to my ears, "I bet they are going to run all over the place with this one. Tonight's headlines: IS THE GIRL ON FIRE ENGAGED TO CAPITOL PLAYBOY?"

"Are we actually going ring shopping?"

Finnick laughs, "no. I hope you weren't expecting that. I just wanted to buy you something special, and I figured we could have fun messing with Panem. I invited Mags over to meet you tonight at dinner, I know she will have plenty of thoughts on this ring thing." Does it hurt Finnick to lie to Mags as much as it hurts me to lie to Prim? Lately, he has been reading my mind and I can tell by the way his sea-green eyes search mine he understands my thoughts. Finnick lowers his voice, "I don't like hiding the truth from her, but I would rather keep everyone safe." Finnick opens the door for me and takes my hand, following me as I walk through the store glancing into glass cases. I've never been one for jewelry, but I do see something I like.

"Finnick. I think I found something." I point to it as a woman smiles brightly at me and takes it out the case. She lifts it up and start babbling about the quality of metal and that it's been hand-crafted. I raise my eyes to her, "is it possible to put my own personal charms on there? I will pay whatever extra is due for custom charms."

Finnick kisses my cheek, "_I'll_ be paying extra." He looks at my expression and laughs, "Katniss, I said this was _my_ gift to _you_. So_ I_ am going to pay for it."

The woman gets a giddy expression, "of course! Anything for a Victor, let me write down what you would like as a charm and anything you want inscribed on the back. You have up to ten slots."

I nod, "well a Primrose flower, with the name of Prim. And a leaf, simply with the word mother." It reminds me of her apothecary business, but this woman doesn't need to know that. "A bow with father on it, a tree with name of Gale," she glances at me and I smile, "he is my cousin. A Mockingjay with the name of Rue, a sewing needle with the name Cinna, a goose with inscribed with Haymitch, a shoe with the name of Effie...And a dandelion, I want that one to say Peeta."

"That's all?" The woman begins to put the piece of paper into a drawer, but I shake my head.

"Wait, I want a sunflower too."

She takes the paper into full view and scribbles down a sunflower, "and the inscription?"

I smile and look at Finnick, "That one should say Finnick." When I shift my eyes to back to the woman, a broad grin covers half of her face. She sets the paper away and speaks with Finnick while I continue to walk around the store. I glance out the window to the street, people crowding to peer into the store. My eyes rove over the faces pressed to the window, the pointed fingers. They're watching me. Snow must know that the people are obsessed with this façade, perhaps this will be enough for him. Perhaps there will be no rebellion, no one will have to die, no one will have to be hurt, no one will have to sacrifice their futures to Snow. I decide to put on a little show for my viewers, maybe this will end up being broadcasted to the entire country, I head over to the rings and look through the glass case. The man behind this counter pushes his glasses up and taps the glass, "see anything you like, Ms. Everdeen?"

Each ring looks almost identical to the one next to it, my eyes finally catch on a small simple black ring with a round diamond placed on top. "That one." The man reaches inside the case and takes out the box it is sitting inside of. The man carefully pulls the ring out and slips it onto my finger.

"Do you like it?"

"It's beautiful," I move my hand around, watching the diamond glint off the light. I glance back to see Finnick walking across the floor, "oh, Finnick can't see this." I slip the ring off and hand it to the man. I walk to Finnick, "ready to go?"

"Yeah, we need to pick up some food for dinner tonight's dinner." He wraps his arm around my waist and walks me through town to the market. Now a small following of people are trailing behind us, I glance back with a small smile. _Prim is going to be safe. _Finnick pulls me closer to him as we walk through the stands of fresh fruit and vegetables, an underlying smell of fish wafting into my nostrils. "Did you know I am a splendid cook?"

"You?" I roll my eyes at him.

Finnick shakes his head, "that's a lie. I am a terrible cook, but I just ate out after I won the Games."

"You were 14, when you won the Games," I grab a bright red apple from a stand. "Didn't your parents cook for you?"

"No, they..." Finnick's grip on my waist tightens, "they had an accident out sailing a few weeks after I turned 16. After that, Mags practically raised me."

My voice comes out a whisper, "I never should have brought it up." I stop on my tiptoes and kiss him on the cheek, "let's keep shopping."

* * *

Finnick turns on the screen while I put away the food from the tall brown bags. "So who is going to cook?" I ask, Finnick stays quiet pretending that he doesn't hear a word I said. "You mean I am cooking this dinner?"

He smiles at me, "thanks for volunteering. You seem to be good at this whole volunteering for others thing." I roll my eyes and look at all the food in front of me, I have no idea how to cook with fish or these seasonings. I open the cabinets and search for a recipe book, something to guide me in making dinner. I swing open one of cabinets to find the plates inside covered in cobb webs, how often does Finnick even walk into his kitchen? Does he even try to clean it?

"Finnick? When was the last time you cleaned your house?" I blow the dust off of a book I found wedged between a box of candy that is curled at the edges and a stack of plates that are covered in heavy dust. Dust floats into the air and the yellowed letters of an old recipe book appear. I flip open the book with another cloud of dust billowing into the air, before thumbing through the pages.

"Uh, well I would say every week or two. Mags usually comes over and makes me pick up whatever I tossed onto the floor." He stands in the doorway of the kitchen and smiles at me, "I think we made it onto the Capitol's news again."

"Good," I start grabbing various spices off the shelf, "so far fame hasn't been too bad. People stop and stare, but besides that I think everyone loves me." My eyes skirt around the recipe as I begin to mix things together and turn on the oven.

Finnick chuckles under his breath and slips his hands into his pockets, "let me let you in on a little secret, Katniss. They'll either want to kill you, kiss you, or be you." He lifts his eyes to mine, walks to me, and absently twists a lock of my hair, "these people they are obsessed with our lives, obsessed with where we go, what we do, what we say. We are desirable, Katniss."

"I don't care if they think I'm desirable, as long as I don't have to sell myself to them. As long as _you _don't have to sell yourself to them."

Finnick frowns, "it's a life I'm glad you were spared. This might not be the way either of us envisioned our lives as Victor's, but it's still better than the alternatives. I'm proud of you."

"For what?" I look up into his eyes.

"For being so strong Katniss. What we were being asked to do is hard...I know we made this pact to stay friends, but don't think our emotions won't get mixed into this at some point. Especially," Finnick's voice trails off and he breaks his gaze from me. I turn his face back to mine, hoping that he sees how much I want him to continue. "Especially, if he makes us get married and have children."

"What do you mean by that?" I twist a stray piece of bronze back into his hair, "are your emotions conflicted?"

Finnick smiles, "I could fall in love with you, Katniss."

"Are you in love with me?" I ask, "is that what you're saying?"

He shakes his head, "no. You are quickly becoming my best friend, but I don't have romantic feelings for you, just as you don't have any for me. But I could, if we kept this whole thing up, if we continued to pretend to be in love, I could fall in love with you." We hear a soft knock on the door, both pulling from the others' grasp. "I'll answer the door, I'm sorry if I messed up dinner by distracting you." He walks away from me and I turn back to my work. Although it is becoming hard to focus, considering what was just said between Finnick and I. Could he really fall for me? Could I even fall for him? Maybe it would be better if we did fall in love, then we wouldn't be faking anything. Snow could force us to do whatever he demanded and it wouldn't be nearly as hard. Finnick laughs and walks into the kitchen with a smaller woman with curly gray hair falling around her face. She opens her arms to me and mumbles something to me. I wonder if she had a stroke?

"It's nice to meet you," I smile as she gives me a tight hug. She mumbles a hello in my ear before holding me at arms length and looking me over. She smiles at Finnick and gives a sure nod of her head.

"She like you, Kitty." He has a bright life in his eyes, one associated with Mags. "If Mags likes you, then you're in the family officially."

I smile, "family of Victors?" I ask, "I'm in the family of Victor's."

"No, Katniss my family."

My mouth goes dry, I'm not prepared to meet his family. I was prepared to meet a Victor. "I thought..."

"My parents are dead, yes, _but _I learned my lesson after I lost them. I have two brothers. They're just going to love you. Mags kind of raised them too."

"Oh," I smile at Mags and glare at Finnick, "any chance that I won't see them for a day or two?"

Finnick laughs, "nope, they'll be here soon. I didn't want to scare you. So I only mentioned Mags, I figured tossing in my brothers wouldn't help much."

"You never mentioned any brothers?" I punch his arm and frown.

"They never came up." He kisses me and smiles, "forgive me, Kitty Kat."

"Whatever," I mumble. Mags takes my hands and smiles up at me. She leads me out to the living room and sits on the couch with me. I sit and speak with her while Finnick watches us. I can feel his eyes roving over us, watching us speak to one another. Another knock jars me from my conversation with Mags who has turned out to be a lovely woman. Laughter pours through the halls and into the room where Mags and I are sitting. What if his brothers don't like me? What if they aren't convinced of this relationship? My stomach begins to roll at the thought of failing my task for Snow. I was doing so well, too. I was sure that I would be able to keep Prim and Gale and my mother safe because if I could fool them I could fool anyone. But now I have to fool his family. Finnick strolls in with two copies of himself. The only difference between the three being the shade of blonde upon their heads. "Katniss?"

I smile and rise from my seat, "are these your brothers?" They look so much like Finnick, both of them with his sea-green eyes and charming smiles, the youngest one can at most be about nineteen. Both of them have survived the reaping, I wonder if Finnick had anything to do with that.

The younger brother offers his hand to me, "I'm Cassius, Ms. Everdeen, and my older brother is Marx."

Well, the youngest, Cassius, seems polite. "Please call me, Katniss. Finnick is the oldest then?" Finnick is watching the interactions between the three of us carefully.

Cassius laughs, his other brother Marx shakes my hand and tosses his nearly golden locks back. "I never thought my brother would get in a serious relationship."

I raise my eyebrows, "serious?" I look between the two brothers.

"Haven't you seen Caesar's newest development special?"

"No, I haven't." I turn towards the screen that is glowing with news from the Capitol. "Turn it up, Finnick."

With the volume raised I can now hear what Caesar is so enthusiastic about, Finnick was right, the Capitol is just eating this up. Caesar shows every single second we spent inside the jewelry store, they even got pictures of me looking at that ring. I force my smile away before looking at Finnick, "how did they know we were in there?"

Finnick shrugs, "the greater mystery is that ring you had on your finger." He swings me into his arms recognizing the blush on my cheeks, "it's okay you'll get one soon enough."

I roll my eyes and set out dinner, hopefully the night will go well.

* * *

I walk Mags across the street to her home in the Victor's Village, our mixed laughter filling the emptiness of the Village. Mags is one woman I'm glad to know and glad to know that she will be present in my life for many more years. _If things go as planned. _I shake the thought from my head, "it was very nice to meet you, Mags." She mumbles a thank you. "Finnick loves you, he says only the best things about you. You're like a mother to him." She smiles at me and takes my hand, it reminds me of something my father did when I was a little girl. Like he was reminding me that he would always be there for me. As we walk to her door I give her a hug then head back to the house. I open the door to find the house unusually quiet, the echo of voices comes from my left. The hallway leads me towards the back porch where the voices get louder. The back door is a small bit open, and crouch beside it.

A higher, younger, hesitant voice speaks. Cassius, that's who it must be: "So you're serious about this one?"

"More serious than any other one before." Finnick, I can tell by the inflections in his voice. "What do you think of her?"

Cassius: "I like her. She's nice enough, quite funny. I think Dad would have liked her."

Finnick: "And you, Marx?"

Marx: "I like her too. I mean, we don't really know her yet, but she seems sweet. Cassius is right, she has a great sense of humor. But what we think doesn't matter. It matters what Mags thinks. She practically raised all three of us."

Finnick: "As far as I could tell, Mags loved her."

Cassius: "Mags loved her, I could tell. What matters is do _you_ love her?"

Finnick: "Yeah, I do." He laughs, "I love her, more than anything. I don't want to be away from her, I only want to see her smile, she makes me smile. I don't have to hide how I feel, she understands me."

Marx: "Even though she is younger than you by _seven _years?"

Finnick: "Katniss has lived a thousand lives. Just like I have, she is my equal in everything but age.''

Cassius: "Well it seems like your mind is made up. You've known her for a month or two. You started dating what a month ago? How serious do you think this will get?"

I hear someone walking along the deck, Finnick: "I plan on marrying her."

Marx: "At 16?"

Finnick: "I don't know, I just know that when it feels right I am going to ask her. I just want to know if I have your support?"

Marx: "Of course."

Cassius: "I second that motion. You picked well, Finn. She's sweet, I'm sure we will get to know her better and we will love her as much as you do."

I smile and walk from the door, head towards the kitchen to clean everything up from dinner. The sink fills with water as I wash the dishes, two arms slip around my waist and a chin rests on my shoulder. "They love you."

"Oh they do, _Finn?_"

Finnick laughs, "they do. I'm sleeping out on the beach tonight. It's nice outside."

"Grab my things too, sleeping on the beach sounds fun. Goodnight, Finnick."

"Good night."


	9. Chapter 8

**Okay, so I am going to brush over the Victory Tour because we all know what happens there...BUT I want to get our actual plot rolling because the chapters up to this point was building up Finnick and Katniss relationship. Hopefully this isn't moving too fast, I think it's about time we get some more romance. :)**

* * *

**Chapter 8 (READ A/N)**

"Prim was so excited to hear we would be coming back to 12, Finnick." I stand on the edge of the train car waiting for it to slow. I haven't been home in nearly two months. The weather in District 4 was beautiful, along with the beach, but I missed home. I missed Prim, Gale, my mother, even Haymitch. Finnick puts his arm around my waist and kisses my temple. I smile and grip the railing of the train tighter. "You know you didn't have to come back to 12 with me. You already spend most of your time with me, don't you ever want a break?"

"I would rather not," he pinches my side, a gesture I discovered was something he always did to Annie. I'm not sure what to make of that, so I ignore it. "I don't mind spending time with you. We are Victor's Katniss. We don't have jobs, we don't have any family to raise, as a matter of fact this is about the most interesting thing we do."

My hair blows out of my face, the train slowing its speed as 12 comes into view blanketed in a fresh coat of snow. I used to be excited when I saw the first snow, but now it is a bitter reminder that the Victory Tour will make it's appearance. Finnick takes our bags and steps off the train first, our walk to the Victor's Village is without much fanfare. People here are to busy starving and slaving in the mines to care that we are here in District 12. Prim is waiting outside the door for us, she breaks into a grin when she sees me and nearly tackles me to the ground. "I missed you too, little duck."

"Katniss, how long are you going to be here? You aren't going to leave soon right?"

I shake my head, "no. I will be here for a long time."

Prim lets me go and hugs Finnick, "are you going to stay long too?" She looks at our bags then back to Finnick, "is my present in there?"

Present? I turn to Finnick as he tousles Prim's hair, "I will be here as long as Katniss is here. And you will get your present later on tonight, when I also give one to your mother. I think you can wait that long." He carries our bags inside. I turn to Prim, she is nearly my height now.

"How have things been since I was gone?" I ask.

Prim looks at the floor, "Gale misses you, I think."

"Oh?" I shift my gaze from her, "I miss him too."

"I don't think that Gale is happy with all of this. Whenever Rory and I talk at school he makes it obvious that Gale is unhappy with the situation between you and Finnick."

"Well it isn't his place to care about who I am with or what I do." I bite my lip before frowning, "he is in the mines today?"

Prim nods, "tomorrow is Sunday that is when he will be off. Maybe you should go to the woods and hunt with him tomorrow. I think he would like that, Katniss." She looks me over and smiles, "you look happy, Katniss. You have filled out some too."

"Yes, I know. Finnick keeps pinching my sides, there used to be nothing left to pinch."

Prim focuses her eyes to mine, "you love him, don't you?"

The question catches me off guard and I take a sharp breath, "I do love him." I shift my gaze from hers before standing up, "I'm going to let Haymitch know I'm home." My boots slosh through the white powder as I make my way across the Victor's Village to Haymitch. I hardly knock on the door when it flies open sending a bottle rolling down the steps.

"Nice to see you alive, sweetheart." He looks outside before pulling me into his mess of a house. Why doesn't he try to keep his house clean? Haymitch flops onto his couch and throws his feet on a table sending trash onto the floor. "Victory Tour is in about a month. You need to listen to whatever I say. Things are getting," he searches for his word for a brief moment, "tense in Districts 8,11, and even 12. So listen to me, alright?"

A slow sinking panic is beginning to take form inside me, I didn't want to think about the Victory Tour. Even though Finnick never said it, I knew that was why he suggested I come home right now. He knew I needed to be here for the Tour and he knew I needed to adjust to the idea of having to see the families of the children I was forced to watch be killed or had to kill myself. "Alright." Will I be sad when I go on my Tour? Or will I just be scared? The more I think about it the more my stomach begins to roll. Suddenly the words that Haymitch said collapse onto my chest, "tense?" I thought Finnick and I had calmed the Districts, we were still receiving bouquets from Snow. Maybe he expects more of us, that's what those white roses mean.

Haymitch nods, "only those three Districts are voicing the problems they have with the Capitol. If you and Odair can manage to calm those three Districts your families are safe."

"Alright," I stand up and look at the tall bottle of clear spirits on the table, I wrap my fingers around the bottle and lift it to my lips. I take a swig from the bottle, the liquor making my throat burn. Sputtering and coughing, I set the bottle down. At least the alcohol managed to wipe out the anxiety I was feeling for the Victory Tour. "Why don't you start stopping by to tell me you are alive instead of me having to trudge through all your crap to make sure you're still alive." Haymitch raises his eyebrows at me and I roll my eyes, "just stop by every once and a while okay?"

"Whatever. As long as you and Odair aren't all romantic in front of me. I would rather keep my liquor down."

I snort, thinking back to when Haymitch retched all over himself when Peeta and I were on our way to the Capitol, "because you have always managed to keep your liquor down...Besides, Finnick is actually a sweet guy. Dare I say, he even has a pinch of humility."

Haymitch takes another gulp from his bottle and looks at me, "get out before you make me sick."

* * *

Leaned against the railing of the balcony wrapped in a sweater, the door behind me opens, "what're you doing?"

"Counting snowflakes," I catch a few snow flakes in my hands, "I'm not ready for this Tour, Finnick."

He stands beside me, tips his head to the sky before turning his gaze to me, "the Victory Tour...it never ends. They keep dragging us out every year, even if you aren't this years Victor. They find ways to make us remember that we are survivors who did unspeakable things, killed other tributes. Once you make it past your first tour though, you will slide through every Hunger Games after that."

"I wish you could come with me." As the words leave my mouth I regret them. Things between Finnick and I have been...different. We have become close. I'm close to Finnick in ways I wasn't close to Gale or Peeta. Gale understood having to work and hunt to feed my family, Peeta never understood. Peeta, however, understood the horrors I witnessed in the arena. Gale never realized that. But Finnick, he had to work and hunt to feed his family before the Games, he witnessed the horrors I did. We both were willing to sacrifice for our family if it meant keeping them safe and alive with little notice to how it would rip us apart. With this, our friendship is blurring together. We have known each other for four months, nearly three of them were the two of us pretending to be in love, and he was right. I don't usually feel anything romantic for him, how Finnick feels I don't know, but there are moments. Like this one where I feel this odd stirring inside of me, moments when I want to kiss Finnick Odair. Not for the cameras, not to make someone believe in our romance, but because the idea of having his lips on mine sends my mind into a frenzy of scattered thoughts. I shake the idea from my mind and look at the snow.

Finnick looks at me, "your hands." My eyes travel to my fingers, cold and nearly stiff from the biting weather. The tips of my fingers beginning to pale, he takes my hands in his and rubs them together. "Katniss, you will be fine. Just trust Haymitch. The Tour will be over soon enough and when you get to the Capitol I will be there. You can make it through each District, I believe in you." _Maybe I can make it through the Victory tour._ He lets my hands go and walks to the door, he turns and winks at me, "you're beautiful you know?"

I can't seem to explain why, in this freezing weather, I have a warm blush painted across my cheeks.

* * *

**Victory Tour: District 11**

The gunshot echoes through my head, over and over again. Haymitch drags me up a round of stairs, dust billowing beneath our feet. I was reading the cards Effie gave me, just like I was supposed to, but when I saw Rue's sisters, I saw their pain, when I looked at Thresh's family something snapped. I couldn't leave them with what Effie wrote. I had to say more and it ended in a man's execution. If Peeta was here he would have spoken for me, if Gale was here he would have tried to save that man, if Finnick was here he would have known how to fix this mess. Haymitch starts speaking to me but I can't focus my mind long enough to respond. The sound of the shot keeps ringing in my ears. I blink and look up at Haymitch with tears blurring my eyes, "I can't do this. I can't, Haymitch. Snow is going to kill them." My gaze falls to the room I'm standing in, no one has been up here in years it seems. How did Haymitch know about this place?

Haymitch forces me to look at him, "calm down, Katniss. You have got to trust me, from now on you stick to Effie's cards no matter how much you hate them. You have got to understand that these people, they are looking to you as a leader. You have to lead them to support Snow. This train never ends, sweetheart. You never get off and the sooner you get that through your mind, the sooner you will be able to move on with your life. Now go on downstairs and get ready to go. We aren't going to stay here much longer."

I walk down the steps wiping tears from my eyes, Effie is already rearranging the schedule when she ushers me back into the train car. The pungent smell of roses fans into my nostrils, my head slowly whips around. I find a small bundle white roses tied in a red ribbon set in the middle of my bed. My hand pulls them off the bed and I toss them out the window, trying not to gag. I collapse into my bed and stare at the ceiling, angry tears running down my cheeks. _What have I don? Will Snow try and hurt my family? Will he make me pay for what I've done? _I pull myself up off the bed and grab the phone, I don't even realize I'm dialing his number until the phone begins to ring.

"Katniss?" He sounds tired. Just the sound of his voice reminds me of what I have done today, I killed with a bow, now I'm killing with my words and actions. The tears come hot and fast, I'm unable to form words, I just sit there, phone pressed to my ear crying. It's not until I finally can't cry anymore that Finnick starts to talk. "So what do you want me to do?" I can hear the stress in his voice.

I swallow, "Finnick what's happening?" I twist the charms on my bracelet while I wait for him to answer me.

He stays quiet for a long time, "have you watched the news recently?"

"No, I was busy with the Tour." I wipe my eyes and stare blankly at the wall in front of me.

"The Capitol is having a couple of 'shortages' in supplies." Both of us swallow at the same time, we know what that means. "I have know idea which Districts are causing it...but, its definitely getting worse. Snow hasn't sent flowers in a few weeks. What should we do?"

Something inside me collapses, _I'm failing at the one task I was given. _I think of Prim, Gale, and the rest of District 12. Their lives along with the lives of the rebelling Districts are in my hands. I have to take bold action to save them, I take a deep breath. My mind flits back to the roses in my room. They were small, wrapped in ribbon. Like a wedding bouquet, suddenly an idea is in my mind and it's just bold enough it might work. "We could get married?" I take another breath, "Finnick, it's going to happen. Why not now? Maybe it will be enough."

"Are you sure?"

I nod as if he's here in the room, "yeah. I think it will be enough. I think it will convince Snow and everyone else in Panem."

"Do you want me to ask in a certain way?"

"Surprise me, Finnick Odair."

I can hear his uneasy laughter at the other end of the phone, "don't I always."

* * *

**Victory Tour: District 4**

Finnick taps his champagne glass, getting the attention of everyone at the dinner for District 4 on this stop on the Tour. I try not to set my face in my hands, he couldn't have chosen to do this at a more private time? I shake the thought from my head, the more people that see the better. Finnick glances around the room making sure all eyes are on him before speaking. "I have a few words for our newest Victor. My dear friends and honored guests, as you may know Panem's 74th Victor, Katniss Everdeen, is not only the Girl on Fire but also the girl who stole my heart." I hear a few in the crowd give love struck sighs. "In addition to this, Katniss also happens to be my girlfriend, she has managed to end my life as a bachelor, shocking, I know." A few people laugh and some elbow each other. They act as if he is their best friend, I wonder if Finnick even knows their names. "Katniss has captured the hearts of the people and my own heart, to which I'm sure we are all grateful. She is beautiful, sweet, kind, intelligent, brave, stubborn, sarcastic." He glances at me and laughs at the glare on my face, "You all get the point, she isn't perfect. However, I happen to be in love with her for every flaw she possess." He takes my hand so I'm standing with him in front of all the dinner guests. Finnick bends down on one knee and take my hand, "will you, Katniss Everdeen marry me?" He opens a ring box with the black ring I found at the jewelry store about five months ago. I hear a few people say something about he ring and a couple others gasp, I even heard a shriek.

My smile is huge, one I'm sure everyone takes as a hundred percent genuine, "yes, Finnick. Of course." He stands, kisses me I front of everyone before thanking the guests. We are consumed by people giving their congratulations. It was understated for Finnick, short sweet and to the point. I liked it, I thought it fit the occasion nicely. I have to hand it to him, he did a great job. I take one last sip of wine before I fall prey to the adoring fans of District 4.

* * *

I barely stand at the point where the ocean meets the sand. Cold water laps over my toes and slowly edges from me, then a soft crash and white foam covers my ankles. I laugh and toss my head back to the sky, painted in a warm milky orange color that melts into a deep red that somehow curls into midnight blues and deep blacks. Something about sunrise has always intrigued me. I wish Prim could see this. I wish Peeta could see this. He loved to paint, that became obvious during our time in training where he would paint himself to blend into his surroundings. Another breeze tangles my hair around my face and cold water crawls over my feet. I sense someone beside me, their breaths matching mine. I open my eyes and turn to Finnick, "hey."

"Hey." He stares at the sand before looking up at me. "I proposed to you last night."

I nod, "you did." I glance at the ring on my finger and then back to him. I open my mouth to say something, but what else is there to say? Finnick turns to me and takes my hands in his, he chews his bottom lip before even looking me in the eyes.

"Katniss, I could fall in love with you. I could fall in love with the way you laugh when you think no one is listening, how you twist your hair when you're nervous, the way you scrunch up your nose when you think something is funny but you're to embarrassed to laugh, how you smile when someone says Prim's name. I could fall in love with the way you cry when your scared, how you bury your face in my neck if you had a nightmare, the way your eyes twinkle when you talk about Rue." He smiles and I feel tears in my eyes, Finnick wipes them away before continuing, "I cold fall in love with the way you yell at me when I scare you or how you glare at me when I point out your beautiful. Katniss Everdeen, I could fall in love with you. Perhaps I already have." I have no words to speak, a rare occurrence for me. Finnick takes a deep breath before speaking again, "what we are being forced into isn't right. I'm not going to pretend like this is what we both want. If I was going to marry you, I wouldn't want it to be like it was last night. I would want it to be special. To be small. To be free of the Capitol and Snow. Katniss, I don't know how you feel. Perhaps I never will, but I know I'm in love with you. It took me all this time to realize it. But I know I do. And maybe, if you let me...You could fall in love with me, too." He gets onto one knee, "you have one ring that the Capitol would accept, one proposal from the heartthrob of the Capitol. But this is my ring, from me. No cameras, no fake smiles, no fake kisses..." He opens a dark green velvet box, my favorite color, inside is a ring black at the bottom that melts into a deep red then an orange hue, that turns into a light yellow. It looks like fire. It's beautiful. "Katniss Everdeen, would you marry me?"

I stay quiet for a moment, letting it all soak in. Every urge I ever felt to feel romance towards Finnick has been building up slowly. Maybe it's because we are so close, or just the fact that he has been there for me in so many ways that I have come this point. I don't know if he realizes it but he has been making me fall for him as much as I have been making him fall for me. He said the lines would get blurred and spending almost five to six months almost everyday with a person makes it impossible not to separate love and friendship. Those lines began to disappear when he told me I was beautiful every morning. When I started kissing his cheek good night, when he started pinching my sides like he did for Annie, when I began to tell him stories like I did for Peeta. We started to become the missing pieces in our lives, to fill the voids the Games left. And here we are now, two people realizing we have come to love each other without even knowing it. In stolen moments, in brief seconds where the looks we shared weren't ones of friends but ones of two people in love. I open my mouth to say something to him, yet somehow I end up pressing my lips against his. I pull away from him and in one breath let those three simple letters roll off my lips and into the morning air, "yes."

"Yes?" Finnick's eyes widen for a moment, while he fumbles to get the ring on my finger and toss the old one into his pocket.

"Yes." I look at the ring that shimmers off my hand, "it's fire?"

He nods, "I asked Cinna for some help. Since he was your designer, do you like it?"

"I love it." I look at him and pull him close to me, "I could fall in love with you."

He quirks his eyebrows up, "you could?"

"Maybe I have already."

"And have you, Katniss?" He stares into my eyes with an intensity I haven't ever seen before.

I smile and move my lips close to his, "I have indeed." I'm not sure how long I stand there staring into his eyes with the sun rising behind me, but ever since the Games, for the first time everything feels right.

* * *

**I _WILL BE UPDATING TOMOROW_! I just love this chapter...and I have another great one ready for you!**


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

The trains slow rocking has kept me from getting out of bed for over an hour, but the repeated knocking on my door is unavoidable. Effie's high voice cuts through the air, "it's a Big, Big, Big Day Katniss! Tonight we go to President Snow's mansion for the large party being thrown in your honor!" I hear her clapping her hands in excitement before piping that little voice up again, "Katniss. Are you up?"

I groan a response, too lazy to actually say anything back to her. I can just see her shaking her head at me, "groaning is not very lady like. Even if it is early in the morning, young lady. Breakfast will be served in ten minutes." The soft clicking of her heels disappearing and the reminder of food is enough to get me out of bed. I rub my eyes and sit up secretly hoping I will wake up at home and this is all a terrible nightmare. Yesterday, while I was giving my speech in District 1, a little girl told me she was going to volunteer just like me. The overpowering feeling of sickness had made me nearly gag in front of everyone, this little girl wanted to _volunteer _to her _death _because of _me._ I was disgusted with myself the rest of the day, I couldn't even come out my room. I ignored Effie and Haymitch, even the phone call I got from Finnick.

Finnick Odair, however is another topic of discussion. Ever since he proposed (as he put it 'for real') Finnick has turned out to be quite the romantic. My eyes shut for a few moments before I convince myself to wake up. I walk to the table full of food, Effie smiles and nods to the chair across from her. "Your prep team will meet you once the train stops which is in a few minutes. So eat your breakfast as fast as possible, you wouldn't have to rush if you had woken up when I told you to this morning." Effie pats her powder blue wig and sips from a glass, "I bet you are just so excited to get to the Capitol. They have the most amazing wedding planners, they will be at your dinner tonight too. I'm sure Finnick knows all of them already, they would be happy to plan your wedding. Of course I could always help you, but I'm sure you would want someone more qualified. Oh, it's just so exciting."

I smile, "thank you Effie." I can tell by the look on her face what she is wanting me to ask, honestly I'm more than happy to leave that type of thing to Effie. She might be annoying at times, but Effie understands my style choices and always wants the best for me. _Her_ Victor. "Effie, could I ask a huge favor of you?"

"Oh?" Her eyebrows lift in surprise, "why anything for my Victor."

Reaching across the table I take her hand, "would you plan the wedding? I trust you more than anyone else to do an amazing job."

Effie squeals and covers her mouth, "oh Katniss! I would love to, just positively love to. Now we will have to start early I hate it when things are done at the last possible minute." Effie stands up and reaches for her clipboard, "I can fit in some shopping while we are here..." She walks off leaving me to finish breakfast alone.

The train slows and the bright colored and patterned faces peer at me as we roll past. When the train finally comes to a halt, I nearly run off, eager to get this leg of the trip over with. I have no interest in being in the Capitol any longer than I have to be. Effie steps off the train hugging a woman clad in the same color green as her, I search for Cinna when a hand cover my eyes. Warm breath tickles my neck, "miss me?"

"Finnick." He moves his hand and I spin around to face him. Clearly his prep team has gotten a hold of him because he looks stunning, they have him in a well fitted white button up and nice slacks. Usually he is in the tightest, most revealing, and sensual outfit they can come up with. Did our engagement lead to this change? "You look nice." I warp my arms around him and pull him close to me.

"Thank you. I was originally presented with silver pants I wasn't sure I could fit into and a shirt that wasn't really a shirt, more two sleeves with some fabric on each side. Honestly, I wasn't sure which was the front and which was the back...But you look beautiful as usual." Finnick cups my cheek in his hand, his thumb absently moving against my cheek. "I know you have to go, so I will find you tonight at the dinner." He gives me a quick kiss before glancing behind me. "Effie is coming, you should go." He gives me one least kiss before speaking with Haymitch and disappearing from view.

* * *

Effie walks ahead of me, "smile Katniss. Be friendly, or at least try to be friendly. Remember this party is for you, my Victor!" She turns and brushes a loose lock of hair back, "you look beautiful, Katniss." She walks ahead of me saying hello to people I haven't ever seen, she looks to me and smiles. Her silent word to leave her side. The gown I was fitted in, hugs my skin and creates curves I never had. Cinna saved me from having to get any surgical work done by putting me in this, it's dark and the makeup my team applied has turned me back into the Girl on Fire. a crowd forms around me, everyone asking to see my ring and asking about my Games. I assume these are sponsors, but who can tell when these people change their skin color every week. Food is being thrust at me followed by drink after drink. Mindless conversation. Where is Finnick?

Flavius drags me from the crowd and laughs with me until we reach another table, "try this, dear." Flavius hands me a small pastry something I think Peeta would have enjoyed making. "Its delicious. It's all the rave here in the Capitol, everyone eats them."

I take a bite and smile, "its great." Flavius hands me another pastry. After a few pastries my stomach has hit his maximum, "I can't eat any more really."

"Oh here, then have this." He hands me a small glass filled with a purple liquid.

"What is it?" I sniff it and tip the glass back and forth. "I really can't eat or drink another thing."

Flavius laughs, "that's why you drink it. Katniss, it makes you sick. So you can try everything. You don't actually think one person could sample all of this delicious food without getting full?"

People in District 12 scrap for just a few crumbs to eat, and the people here make themselves sick in order to eat more. Disgust makes my mouth bitter, a hand wraps around my waist. "Katniss I have been searching all over for you." Finnick swipes the glass from my hand and sets it on the table. He sets his hand on my hip, "shall we dance, darling?"

I smile to Flavius and excuse myself to a crowded dance floor, Finnick is now a well fitted black tux with a sea-green neck tie to match his eyes. I would compliment him if I wasn't so disgusted with the ungrateful lifestyle of the people I am surrounded by. "At home, people are starving, dying because they don't have food. Here they make themselves sick just to stuff themselves all over again. If we had this kind of food in 12,-"

Finnick draws me closer to him, "Katniss," his voice is barely above a whisper, "it's wrong. I know. But you can't let your hatred for this place show. At home you can, with me you can. But here you have to pretend like this is your home." He rocks me back and forth, "you look gorgeous."

"You clean up nice, too." I rest my head on his shoulder, "everyone here seems to know you. More people have stopped to tell me what a good friend you are than have stopped to congratulate me on my Games."

Finnick laughs softly in my ear, "be careful. There are some crazy ex-clients here who aren't too pleased to see me with you."

"Oh," I let him guide me towards the outskirts of the floor. "You don't think I will run into your crazy exes right?"

Finnick shrugs, "I can't make any guarantees on that." A woman with bright orange hair, covered head to toe in died orange tulips taps my shoulder. Finnick smiles, "Lahrea darling! It's been so long."

"Much too long, dear. Am I to assume this is your lovely bride to be?" She hugs me, "it's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Lahrea. You look absolutely fantastic in that dress, your body is just too perfect. It's thin, lean." The woman standing before me isn't large or too thin, I think she's quite normally sized. She smiles, "you picked a good one, Finnick! I bet you are just so excited, I know I was excited while I was planning my wedding. You two are coming right?"

I shake my head, "I didn't know." How does this woman expect me to know? I only just met her thirty seconds ago.

She giggles, "oh only the most _exclusive _guests have been invited. I sent an invite to your apartment here in the Capitol, Finnick. Katniss you of course are invited too, that is said on the invitation. I didn't want anyone to think that after me and Finnick's brief relationship ended, that Finnick and I were not on good terms. When, despite the rumors, we are still friends. Besides, anyone whose anyone has a Victor at their wedding. And I will have _two. _That'll show that pompous sister of mine, I am more in the know than she is." Lahrea smiles at me and hugs me one last time, "I expect lunch sometime this week, my fiancé and I with the two of you. I want to hear all about this relationship you have going on!" Without so much as a goodbye she walks away from us. I turn to Finnick.

"Was that normal?"

He laughs, "yes. Out of all my clients, she at least wasn't interested in my body. She just wanted to be taken out on a few dates, talk, show me off to her friends. In regards to the Capitol, she is one of the better ones." Finnick pulls me against him, beginning to dance again.

This time someone stops him, _can't we have one moment without interruption? _"May I steal your fiancé from you, Mr. Odair?"

Finnick nods and looks towards a table where he walks off to. "I'm Plutarch Heavensbee, Head Game-maker." He takes my hand, I remember what Finnick taught me and keep the appropriate distance away from him while dancing.

"That isn't the most secure job."

"No job in the Capitol is secure, Ms. Everdeen." Plutarch smiles and turns his wrist to me, "you are quite the inspiration aren't you?" His watch shimmers with a Mockingjay painted inside.

"In fashion, I suppose."

Plutarch laughs, "yes well, you are an inspiration to more than just those in fashion."

What could he be implying? I force a soft laugh, "at the moment I'm hoping to inspire those in fashion to make some more comfortable shoes."

Plutarch laughs and faces me, "I'm sure you could manage that. The Capitol adores you and your sacrifice."

Something about his tone makes me angry, I tip my chin up. "Well you are sacrificing a lot. I heard the last man in your position failed to handle the stress." I keep my tone light, despite referring to Seneca Crane's 'death'.

"He wasn't given many options. Head Game-maker never was the most secure job in the world."

"Then why are you doing it?" I raise my eyebrows at him and keep my voice even.

Plutarch takes a moment before answering, "because I want to make a difference, same as you." He bows before me, the music having stopped seconds ago. "It was a pleasure, Ms. Everdeen." He leaves me standing there with so many questions sitting on my lips. What difference could he make? He is sending children to their death for the entertainment of the people. The only difference we could possibly be united in making is that of convincing the public that I am truly in love. Which I am. That's one factor that I no longer have to worry about, I don't have to act with Finnick anymore. Finnick takes my hand as Snow steps onto the balcony. It takes mere seconds for everyone to silence, "honored guests. Welcome!" He scans the crowd and finds my face, "we have come together to celebrate our Victor's latest Hunger Games. As we all know this year is the Quarter Quell which will prove to be the best Hunger Games yet! So please enjoy the night. To the Hunger Games and our latest Victor, Ms. Katniss Everdeen." He raises his glass as sparks of colors burst in the sky. Everyone turns to see them, but I stay focused on Snow. Was this enough? Did I do enough to convince the people?

Snow's head nods a small and quiet yes. I grip Finnick's arm, relief washing through me. It was enough, for now. I have to keep it up. I have to continue to convince the people. The proposal was enough to calm the Districts. I'm just worried what else it is going to take to keep them convinced.

* * *

I sleep through the night without a nightmare, I hope it's because I have appeased Snow for today. I pull the covers closer to me as a cold breeze blows into my room. I thought I set the air in here to something warmer. I open my eyes and find a pair of eyes staring back at me. I open my mouth to scream, but his hand covers my mouth. "Calm down, Kitty, I stowed away on the train. That means you aren't allowed to tell anyone."

"Finnick, what are you doing here?"

"I thought why not." He gives me a bashful smile, "besides, there isn't anything for me in the Capitol anymore."

I grin at him, "there isn't?"

"You Katniss Everdeen are all I need, there isn't anything in the world that could keep me from you. I was thinking that when we get home, you could plan something small for us and the family."

"Like plan a small wedding?" I ask, "isn't the Capitol going to do all that for us?"

He sighs, "I want it to be real, between you and me. Whenever you want it, however you want it. I want something special, small, without they're cameras and they're gaudy fingers all over it. If you like the idea."

My heart flutters realizing how much Finnick wants this to be perfect for us. I press my lips against his and run my hands through his hair, "I think it's a great idea. I can't wait."

"To plan or to marry me?"

I smile and wrap my arms around his neck, "I can't wait to marry you, Finnick Odair,"

"I like the sound of that, Finnick and Katniss Odair."

I roll my eyes and even though I don't admit to him, I kind of like the sound of it too.

* * *

**I know not to special or anything, but I had to introduce major characters to this plot. Promise a great chapter up ahead. Thanks for your patience!**


	11. Chapter 10

**To me Gale wouldn't be happy about Finnick and Katniss, but he also wouldn't be vicious and rude towards her. I think he would be open to reason and still maintain his friendship with Katniss. If he seems OOC please let me know. Thanks for the continued support from you guys!**

**And you get something special this chapter for all your love and support ;)**

* * *

**Chapter 10**

A rabbit lays in front of me, its pink nose brushing along the snow, unaware that I am poised to make it dinner for tonight. I draw the string back, eyes focused on my prey. Something in the air shifts, a slight crack of a branch, I spin on my heel with the bow aimed at Gale's heart. I draw in a sharp breath, lower my bow, and let my muscles untwist before speaking. "Don't sneak up on me, Gale. I could have killed you." The rabbit scurries away from us. "Next time call my name or something."

"It would have scared of your game," he gives me a half-smile.

"Better than an arrow in your chest." I put the arrow away and set the bow against a tree, "I was hoping to see you today. We need to talk."

Gale's face falls, "I guess we do need to talk." He sits on a hollow log beside me and pats the space beside me.

"Gale, I know we haven't seen each other much since I got home from the Hunger Games. I'm sorry for that, truly." His face has lost its usual vigor, the mines have beaten him and worn him down. I can see the bags that have fallen under his eyes, the thin lines of coal settling into his hair. Coal here is inescapable.

Gale nods and looks at his hands, "I'm sorry too, Katniss. I'm sure your fiancé doesn't mind though." I can hear the bitterness in his voice, "first Peeta now Finnick. Is this an act too?"

"I never said it was an act. Peeta may have been act, but Finnick is not."

"And how am I supposed to know that, Katniss?" He looks up at the sky, "do you love me?" Gale stares at me, into my eyes.

"Gale...I love you, as my best friend."

He shakes his head, "so you have no romantic feelings for me at all?"

"I don't." I look at him, "I didn't want this to be an argument, I wanted to talk to you Gale. I wanted to tell you personally, of my engagement."

Gale snorts, "it's late for that don't you think." He faces me and frowns, "you really love him?"

"I love him, Gale. He makes me happy and loved."

Gale nods and stares at the tips of his shoes, "aren't you worried he might cheat on you? We all know his reputation."

"He wouldn't do that. I know him, better than anyone else." I cross my arms as Gale leans closer to me. He shuts his eyes and moves his face near mine. I stand up and back away from him. "Gale, what were you doing?"

Gale opens his eyes, "I was going to kiss you. I had to try it, at least once."

"Don't. Gale, just don't do this with me. I want us to maintain our friendship, don't make things more complicated than they already are."

He stands up, "Katniss I can't just pretend I feel nothing for you when I do." Gale runs his hand through his hair and stares up at the sky.

"Then maybe we should take some time apart. I don't want to hurt anyone, but if you need some time away from me then that's what it takes."

Gale frowns, "Katniss. I am not going to get over you overnight, I love you."

"No you don't Gale. You love the girl who hunted with you, the girl who understood your life. I'm not that girl in anymore, I'm not the girl who left you behind for the Games. I left as Katniss Everdeen, girl from District 12. I returned a Victor."

Gale's eyebrows shoot up, "perhaps we do need some time apart, then."

"I think we do," I look up at him and press a light kiss to his cheek, "when you are ready to move on as friends. You know where to find me." I grab my bow from the tree and walk out from the woods to the fence. Gale doesn't chase after me, he lets me go, did I just lose a friend? The thought brings a rush of emotions I can't separate, everything from fear to panic to stress. I crawl underneath it and leave soft white footprints in the snow. People walk past me, looking healthier than usual. The Victory Tour brought enough food to keep the people of District 12 full for much longer than normal. I walk past the bakery without a second glance, the smell alone is enough to make me remember that a piece of me is missing. It's a piece that won't ever come back to me since it died in that arena with the empty eyes and pale face of Peeta Mellark. By the time I reach home, I don't speak to anyone too upset with everything that has happened today, my conversation with Gale, the thought of Peeta's death. I fall asleep without so much as a single word to anyone.

* * *

I wake up and look over at Finnick sleeping beside me. I sweep my legs over the bed and pull my boots on, I need to catch some game for dinner tonight. When I ran into Gale, I forgot to catch something for today. Yesterdays, cheese buns are sitting on the counter, I decide to grab it maybe it will last me an entire day of hunting. The snow is falling slowly today and I hold the cheese buns closer to me, the smell wafting into my nostrils reminding me of Peeta. I get out to the woods and walk for a while looking to see if any animals got in the traps I set yesterday. My walk carries me far into the woods, I hear a branch break and draw my bow. Another set of branches break and my body tenses, an arrow is set against the bow and I pull the string back. The sound comes from my left, my body turns and the arrow is point at one of two women standing by a bush of blueberries. "Don't shoot! Please."

I lower my bow slightly, "who are you?" The two women are wearing oversized peacekeeper outfits, one upon closer examination is a young girl leaning on a tall branch. The young girl is small in stature, she reminds me of Rue. Something inside of me breaks at the thought of Rue.

The older woman puts her hands up, "we have no weapons..." She stares at me for a moment, her mouth opening slightly, "you're Katniss Everdeen." She searches her pockets and offers a hand to me. I set the bow down and walk towards her, she hands me a cracker.

I look at it and flip it over to see a Mockingjay pressed in the back. "What is this?"

"It's a Mockingjay, a sign of the rebellion."

"The rebellion?" I can only imagine what Snow is going to demand of Finnick and I when he hears about this. "What happened?"

The older woman sits on a log after helping the girl. "First things first, I'm Twill. And this young lady is Bonnie." I nod a hello to each. Twill plucks a blueberry from the bush, "we are coming from 8."

"District 8?" I ask.

Twill nods, "I am a teacher in 8 when I'm not working in the factory making uniforms for the peacekeepers. Bonnie and I were walking to the factory late because of school, by the time we arrived there the bombs had already gone off."

"You were the only survivors?"

Twill gives me a tearful glance, "Bonnie lost her entire family and I lost my husband. We had originally planned to leave, my husband and I, we had already stolen these uniforms. But I took Bonnie with me now that he was gone."

"Do you need food?" I reach into my bag and take out the cheese buns I had brought with me, "here." I hand one to each of them. Bonnie stares at it for a while then looks up at me.

"You mean I can have all of this?" She reminds me so much of Rue, I nearly cry. I nod my head and watch her tear into the bun as if she hasn't eaten in days. She probably hasn't. I take her branch and look it over, "I twisted my ankle." Bonnie frowns and looks at her foot.

I rip a piece of fabric off my coat and tie it around the branch, "you two don't have any warm clothes do you? It's amazing you have lasted this long with the snow."

Twill chuckles, "we are wearing a couple pairs of clothes underneath this." I take my gloves off and hand them to Twill, and give my scarf to Bonnie.

"I know how to last in these woods without those, besides my house is only a few minutes from here. Where are you headed, anyway?"

Twill smiles, "13."

I look at her, incredulous, "13? There's nothing in 13."

Twill shakes her head, "that's what the Capitol wants us to think. There have been rumors for years, but now we have proof... Next time they show footage of 13 for the Games pay attention to the screen in the background. It's the same bird every single time that goes past." I shake my head, this is ridiculous. These two are about to die trying to get to 13, a District that has been desolate and unlivable for years. "They have been using the same footage for years, Katniss."

"Oh." I decide not to step out the idea of their hope, who knows maybe there is a small band of people who escaped and are living in 13. "Do you need any other supplies?"

"No, we are fine. Thank you, Katniss."

"For what?" I ask, I only gave them two items and some food. It isn't much considering that they will be going to a desolate and charred place with no signs of life.

Bonnie and Twill stand up and begin to make their way deeper into the forest. Bonnie speaks up for the first time since I gave her the cheese bun, "for giving us hope." I stand there mouth agape, wondering what kind of hope I bring them. Because of hope their families are dead, because of hope they are out walking to an uncharted land without any hope of finding this great society to fix their lives. I grab my bow and catch some game before heading home, more worried about the next request Snow will have for me than about the District that has supposedly risen from the ashes. What was that all based on anyway? A bird that kept flying on the screen. I head home and give my mother the herbs I gathered. Finnick stares at me while I skin the game. "What?"

He smiles, "nothing, you're just beautiful."

"I'm skinning a rabbit."

"You're trying to seduce me."

I blush from embarrassment and look at my mother who is in her own world mixing herbs. "Once again, skinning a rabbit. It's not the most seductive thing to do. I have blood and guts all over my hands. There is an eyeball in the sink Finnick, that I put there."

He winks at me, "what? Is it wrong of me to think you're beautiful, even if your ripping a rabbit apart? It just means I love you, no matter what you are doing. By the way, I love you."

"I love you too."

* * *

**Finnick POV**

The bed shifts beside me as I pull my boots on. Turning my head slightly, I can see Katniss has turned to face me. She blinks a few times and gives me a sleepy smile, "are you okay?" Her voice is quiet, soft, even a trace of innocence can be found.

"Yeah, I just," I hate lying to her, yet I do. "I just had a nightmare."

She frowns and props herself up on her elbow, "do you want to talk about it?" She offers me a reassuring smile and grasps my hand across the sheets. Her eyes are such a breathtaking grey when the light barely reaches her face.

I shake my head, "no. Need some air, though." I give her hand a light kiss and stand up. She turns from me and I can hear her breathing slow again, I walk out the room quietly. I don't need to wake up Prim or Mrs. Everdeen. The sun hasn't even risen enough to make me visible from the windows, why did he insist on meeting so early? Snow blows in my face as I open the front door, the weather is so much nicer right now in 4. I tighten the scarf around my neck and walk across the street. I've stopped knocking on Haymitch's door when I come over, so when I thrust the door open all kinds of trash sweeps beneath my feet. "Haymitch?"

"In the kitchen!"

Making my way to the kitchen, avoiding tons of random objects and sleeping geese might be one of the hardest things I have ever done. Honestly, if they wanted to make the Hunger Games a real struggle they should put the contents of Haymitch's house around the pedestals surrounding the Cornucopia instead of the landmines. I laugh at my own thoughts, the Games do that to me. Make me laugh at my own dark and twisted pessimistic thoughts. I nearly trip over a bottle and manage to catch myself before falling into a pool of spilled water, at least I hope its water. Haymitch never cleans up after these geese. He motions to a chair across from him and pours scotch into a glass across from him. "Sit, Odair. We have a lot to discuss."

I fall into the seat and take a sip from the drink, I never been one for alcohol, but Haymitch is insistent that I share in his own addiction. "Let's get straight to the point, Haymitch. Why am I here?"

"First of all, the unrest in 8 turned into an actual uprising, so expect some pressure from Snow. I got news that they bombed one of the plants there this morning when I communicated with Plutarch. Of course, we don't know what the Games will be this year since its the Quarter Quell. I'm guessing that they will reap triple the amount of tributes or something. Regardless, it is the only time all the Victor's are together. That's when we get Katniss out."

I nod, "okay. Then we head to 13?" I wonder what Snow will demand of us to quiet this unrest now.

Haymitch takes a sip from the bottle, "yeah. We head to 13. Be prepared though, this is dangerous. Especially because we are taking all the Victor's who are supporting this revolution. You know the stakes."

"I know the stakes." My eyes drop to my hands, wrapped around the glass. I clear my throat, "how long do we have before this plan is put into action?"

"A few months, we have to see what the Quarter Quell announcement is, that will determine how we go about getting everyone out. If it's something outrageous like triple the amount of tributes, we can move without much notice. Everyone will be focused on the bloodbath that kind of thing will produce." Haymitch has always been fixated on the idea that the Quarter Quell for this year would be similar to his. The rest of us, are thinking much darker than that, we are conjuring up the most twisted arena's the Capitol could think of. Haymitch coughs, "you actually love her?"

I glance up at him, "what?"

"Do you actually love her?"

"Yes," my eyes move from his, "yes. I do. More than anything, Haymitch. Do you know how much it tears me apart to lie to her about this? To pretend like everything is perfect, like everything is going to be perfect and yet I know that it is going to fall apart? If I could give her the life she deserves I would do it without a second thought."

"You are, Finnick." Something in voice has changed. "It might not seem like it now, but you are giving her the life she, and everyone in this world, deserves. This revolution is going to end the Hunger Games, the starvation, the oppression in Panem. Just don't tell her about what's going on, that will keep her safe. Her safety is important to this whole plan working."

I frown, "I realize that. That doesn't make things any easier, I could die."

"You won't die. Katniss would lose it if she lost you. That girl loves you, I hope you know that. You are going to be okay, she will be okay. And all your little pompous and prideful kids will be okay, too. If it bothers you that much, just find a way to show her how much you love her."

An idea begins to sprout in my mind, I stand abruptly tipping my glass over, scotch bleeding down the table. "I have to go. Update me if anything changes." I run out the house, through the snow, and open the door to the house. I try to maintain my silence as I work my way up the stairs. When the door opens, Katniss hasn't moved a breath from where I left her. I pull off my boots and untie my scarf, before laying back down beside her. She lays still until I put my arm over her, the scent of lavender filling the air around me. Katniss turns to face me, "good morning, Kitty."

She rolls her eyes and smiles, "feel better?"

"Yeah, needed some air. Like I said." I stroke her cheek, "Katniss, why haven't we just gotten married?"

She lifts her eyes to my face, "maybe because we have only been engaged for a few weeks."

"What's stopping us though? Our love should be eternal, permanent. I don't want the Capitol to dictate when we get married."

"I know, isn't that why we were going to have something private and small?"

I nod, "but what is stopping us from having that?"

She wraps her hands around my neck, "what sparked this? I love the idea, I don't want the Capitol's hand in this any more than you do, but I need to know this isn't because you had a few drinks with Haymitch." She winks at me, "I can smell the spirits off your breath..." She lowers her voice, "I go to him too, sometimes. When the nightmares are bad."

"It has nothing to do with that. I just was thinking that I don't want to lose you. I don't want to lose you or our love...After I lost Annie-"

Katniss presses a finger to my lips, "tomorrow night? How does that sound? We have a ritual for this kind of thing here in District 12. Only one to two people are present. And a small dinner is held afterwards were only close friends and family have been invited. I think it will be perfect." Katniss lays her head on my shoulder, "I think it will make things easier for me, with the Quarter Quell. I'm not ready to mentor, particularly the year that they make the Games more horrific than usual."

I kiss her temple, "don't worry about the Quarter Quell, what's the worst that could happen?"

"I guess you're right. It can't be too awful."

* * *

**I will try and update later on tonight. If not tomorrow morning I will. Thank you all again for your support!**


	12. Chapter 11

**So everyone, I sat in my theater seat, hoping that maybe just maybe I could hold in my tears. The movie, of course had yet to begin, but I could already feel the sob stuck in my throat at the mere thought of the love story about to unfold. When it finally began, not to be outdone by wildly screaming teenagers (yes both boys and girls) our movie was finally here. After all this time of waiting, dreaming, imagining this moment. I would finally see my favorite book come to life. I had high expectations and to my fantastic pleasure, it met every single one.**

**Shaliene Woodley was an unforgettable and perfect Hazel Grace, who was poingant, witty, and all to much like the average teenage girl (minus the cannula). Ansel Elgort (who I admit I was weary of) was the flesh and blood embodiment of the one and only Augustus Waters. Nat Wolff blew me away with his narcissistic humor and casual banter. Let us not for get the unsung hero of this movie. John Green, who made sure this movie was perfect for us fans!**

**If I have one thing to say to you, its that I recommend a tissue box (or a couple of boxes) because this one is a tear jerker. Thankfully balanced between humor and the depth of emotions evoked by the script. The soundtrack was one to rival (500) Days of Summer, and it wad brilliantly used. So bring a box of kleenex, I cried like a baby. Everyone in that theater wasn't snuffling, I could hear grown men literally shaking in their seats sobbing. Be prepared. DONT WEAR MAKE UP (I discovered the hard way not to.) However, this is my favorite movie of all time (which makes sense matching my favorite book of all time).**

**I will be seeing, buying, and investing my little teenage heart (and funds) into this movie. Someday I will move people with words like John Green did for me.**

**So I end this unusually lengthy review to say:**

**Okay?**

**Okay.**

**;*)**

* * *

** Chapter 11**

The exodus of men walking from the mines is one of the saddest things for me to see. I can see exhaustion in their eyes, coal covering and clinging to them, the lines of work engraved in their skin. Today my eyes aren't scanning the crowd for my father like they once did years ago, today I am looking for Gale. He is one of the last to emerge, they always make the younger ones work deeper in the mines. They usually don't have a kid and a wife to go home to. Gale's eyes meet mine and I can't tell if he's happy or upset at seeing my face. "Katniss, what're you doing here?"

"I needed to talk to you."

He looks past me, "thought you didn't want to speak with me."

"Gale." I scowl, "I'm trying to keep our friendship. So will you work with me?" I run my hand through my hair, and watch Gale's eyes trail the ring. "Please."

Gale jams his thumbs into his pockets, "walk with me to the house. Okay?"

I walk in stride with Gale, "how are you?" My hands are hidden in my jacket's pockets. I don't want him to be fixated on the ring when I talk to him.

"Don't play like that, Katniss. What did you need to tell me?"

"Maybe I just wanted to talk." The glance he gives me, tells me to jump to the point, "I'm getting married tomorrow night."

He snorts, "why am I not shocked? I can understand getting engaged after six months, but getting married after what, a three, four week engagement?" He chews the inside of his cheek, "so tomorrow night?"

"Yeah...Gale, Finnick and I don't want the Capitol to control our wedding or our marriage. So we are going to the Justice building, signing some papers, dinner, and having the Toasting."

Gale's eyebrows shoot up at that, "I'm shocked. I expected he would be excited to let them take control, he lets them control everything else."

"You don't know him, like I do," I snap. "I was going to invite you to the dinner, Gale. You are my best friend and it would mean a lot to me if you were there."

Gale shrugs, "I'll think about it."

"That's all I can ask for." I turn and walk away from him, not glancing back once.

* * *

Prim waves goodbye as we walk from the Victor's Village, Finnick holds my hand running his thumb over my knuckles. It's quiet in the Seam today, no one will notice our presence. The journey to my old home in the Seam, well it's now our home, is blanketed in a soft silence. We decided we didn't want the Capitol to know or have anything to do with this. While I have a home in the Victor's Village, this small house in the Seam, is where my heart is. Where my father and I once shared evenings by the fire telling stories of a time before his death. Where Prim was born, innocent and sweet as the flower for which we named her. Finnick kisses the back of my hand and smiles at me, "you look breathtaking, Katniss."

I smile at the ground and force my eyes to his, "thank you." Cinna had made this dress originally for my Victory Banquet, but since the Capitol wanted me in something more revealing he set it aside. It's a simple pearl white color with green sequins traveling up my body. It is perfect. Finnick glances at the house, "I'm sorry Gale didn't come."

I shake my head, trying to wave off the unsettling feeling of disappointment, "don't be. He said he would think about it, he didn't say he would actually come." I glance at the outside of the house at look at a small pile of uncut wood and the ax propped up against the house. Just where I left it from the Games. "We need to chop some logs."

"We do?"

I laugh, "we cross our threshold of our new home together, then we start our first fire together, we toast some bread."

"Alright," he takes his suit jacket off and hands it to me as he loosens his tie. Finnick picks up the ax and sets the log in place. I stand back and watch him split it down the middle, the accuracy, the power behind each movement one of a survivor from the Games. He turns to me with a grin, "that's the first time I've ever done that. I can't believe it worked."

"Yes chopping wood is quite the complex endeavor." I pick up two of the split logs and head into the house. All the furniture is right where we left it, there wasn't any use in taking it to the Victor's Village. We set the logs into the fireplace, both of us choosing to start the fire like we were taught in the Training center. Smoke begins to fly upwards and flit into bright yellow and red flames. "Now we cut a slice of bread and toast it." We move through each step of the Toasting carefully. Once it's finished I look up at Finnick, "now for your tradition."

Finnick searches through his bag and sets out three vials. One filled with a dark brown sand, the other with a creamy white sand, and the last is empty adorned with pearls. "In 4 we have this tradition." He hands me the vial of dark brown sand, "this is from the bank of the Meadow here." He taps the glass of the white sand, "this is from the beach in 4. We both pour it into this glass with the pearls. As we pour them together, each grain is mixed with the other, symbolizing that we have now become one. Unable to be taken apart from each other."

I smile and tip the mouth of my vial into the glass covered in pearls. Once empty, I set my glass down and look up to Finnick, "now it's official."

Finnick smiles and takes my hands in his, "yes it is, Mrs. Katniss Odair." He pulls me closer to him, I can feel his heartbeat through his chest.

I wrap my hands around his neck. "Do you think they would be happy for us? Peeta and Annie?"

He chews his lip, "yes. They might have been sad at first, but they would be happy that we're happy. Eventually, I believe they would have found their way to each other...They always wanted us to be happy, Katniss. To be happy and loved. And I plan on making sure that happens."

* * *

The space beside me is empty, an odd occurrence. Finnick usually is the last to wake up, but I sit up as the door opens. Finnick holds a large tray of food and sets it on the foot of the bed, "I made you breakfast."

"I thought you couldn't cook." For the past two weeks he has been waiting until I got up and cooked breakfast, claiming he was unable to cook any meal for himself. I think he just wanted a reason to sleep in longer. I have discovered Finnick is the opposite of a morning person.

He shrugs, "I may have been lying a bit on that one." The tray before me is full of a simple plate stacked with flat round baked cakes covered in a thick syrup, a plate of eggs, and some strawberries in a bowl. A large glass of grapefruit juice beside it. "I hope it tastes okay." He rubs the back of his neck and smiles at me, it's a shy boyish grin that nearly makes my heart stop.

"I'm sure it will tastes delicious." I grasp the fork and cut into the food on my plate, "it tastes delicious."

"You're only saying that because you're my wife."

Something about what he said makes my get a silly grin that covers most of my face, "I can't believe I'm your wife."

"I can't either, despite the fact that it's been nearly two weeks." He brushes my hair back, "I got a letter addressed to us today."

My heart stops for a moment, "from Snow?"

"No, do you remember that woman from the Capitol, the one who invited us to her wedding?" He takes one of my strawberries off the plate and laughs at my scowl, "what's yours is mine now, Kitty."

I roll my eyes, "yes I remember her."

"I got the invite yesterday, but I just now opened it. Would you want to go? We don't have to, of course. I just thought I would ask, Snow would probably appreciate that we came to the Capitol. We have been lying low for two weeks."

I nod, "I think that will give Snow some peace of mind given all that has happened in 8 and the rumors of 13."

"13?" Finnick stares at me, something about the way he said that catches my interest. Could he have heard the rumors too?

"I met two women a couple of weeks ago, who claimed to be going to 13, however their reasoning wasn't founded on anything concrete. Just speculation. They are probably dead by now, 13 is gone. The idea that they have somehow risen from the ashes is preposterous."

Finnick quickly nods, "13 is gone. Nothing left." He stares at me before looking away, "maybe we can stop in 4 on our way to the Capitol to check on Mags and my brothers. I haven't seen them since we had our dinner after we signed all of the papers." Finnick crawls back into the sheets, "I'm going back to sleep now."

"You are?"

He looks at me, "Katniss, that breakfast took me almost two hours, in case you haven't noticed the sun is barely shining." He sits up and gives me a long kiss before yawning, "I love you."

"I love you too." The past two weeks with Finnick have been indescribable, with the exception of cooking breakfast, I almost have to make Finnick let me do things. He is more than a gentleman he is a hopeless romantic. Yesterday he showed up with a bouquet sunflowers for me for no reason except that he loves me. At times it gets to be a bit much, but it reminds me of something Peeta would do. Peeta would probably shower me with all kinds of small acts of love and endearment. Once I have finished my breakfast, I slip out of bed and set my dishes in the sink. We came back to my house in the Victor's Village a day or two after we went to the small home in the Seam. We couldn't jeopardize the safety of our families because the Capitol wasn't getting its pictures and video that it demanded to keep Snow happy.

I am happy, but Snow's power isn't lost on me. I know he is waiting for me to slip up, for me to make a mistake that will give him what he needs to put me to an end. After meeting those women in the woods, I know how powerful my act of defiance was. People are risking their lives and losing them in the name of freedom and equality. Soft footsteps from the stairs signal Prim's presence, "good morning Prim."

Prim stands beside me at the sink, "Katniss?"

"Yes?" I set the dishes on the counter and look at my sister, blonde hair a tousled mess from sleeping cheek to cheek with her ugly yellow cat.

She twirls her thumbs, "I had a nightmare."

"Let's sit down," while I hate discussing any nightmares, Prim's nightmares are of importance to me. Her happiness means so much, I pull a chair out and sit across from her. "Would you like to tell me what happened in your dream?"

"It was about the Quarter Quell," she says. I will admit I too, have been waking up with terrifying dreams of Prim being reaped for the Games this year, lately though Finnick's younger brother has been included in that pool of tributes along with Gale's brothers despite our own strained friendship. "I keep thinking I will be reaped again."

"That won't happen," I squeeze her hand, "you are my sister, Prim. You have a safety many kids in 12 don't have." Snow has promised to keep Prim safe as long as I cooperate with him. So far he has stayed true to his word. "Don't worry about the Quell."

"Are you worried, Katniss?"

Another pair of footsteps from the stairs make me lower my voice, "no. I'm not worried because you are going to be just fine little duck." I pinch her cheek and give her a kiss on the forehead. I hate lying to Prim, especially because she knows I'm not telling the truth.

Prim smiles, "you don't have to lie to me Katniss. I know you are scared."

I give her a soft frown, "I can't lie to you can I." She squeezes my hand, "Finnick can help you mentor. Besides, I'm sure this will be the hardest year for you and then it might get a little easier." She shrugs, "you will be okay, Katniss. Mother and I, we support you."

"Thank you Prim." The footsteps grow louder, I look up to see Finnick leaned against the doorway to the kitchen, "morning, Finnick. I thought you were going to sleep in."

Finnick tousles Prim's already messy hair and kisses my jaw, "morning, Kitty. Remembered I have an errand to run, decided that I might as well just get up."

"Oh," I stand up from the table before speaking again, "when is the Quarter Quell announcement."

"In about five weeks, why?" Finnick sits on the counter and rubs Buttercups head. I don't understand how everyone gets that stupid cat's attention accept me.

I shrug, "no reason. Just thought it would be smart to mark that one the calendar."

"I can't believe the Games are almost here again," Prim frowns. "Perhaps this year won't be as bad."

I surely hope so Prim, I really do.


	13. Chapter 12

**Okay a lot of important things happen in this chapter. I don't want it to feel rushed, so if it feels rushed let me know, but there were lots of bits and pieces I didn't feel were necessary. Because I'm eager to jump into the Quarter Quell (which is a few chapters away, but I needed to get some things out of the way. So bear with me through the time lapses in this chapter and understand that many of the details of this are not important...Plus I wanted to shower you guys with a big chapter!**

* * *

**Chapter 12**

Lately I wake up alone. Whatever nightmares chase Finnick in his sleep force him awake at the crack of dawn, he will disappear for a couple of hours on the beach. He always brings the scent of the ocean with him when he returns home. The door makes a soft whistling sound as Finnick enters our room, "still feeling sick?"

"Finnick I wasn't ever sick. I said I'm just feeling a tad off." I look out from under the covers, "I'll be fine."

"I'm your husband, I think you're sick and I want you healthy and happy. Call your mother, ask what she thinks we should do. You haven't been yourself for two days and we leave for the Capitol in two weeks."

I nod, "she will probably tell me its nothing...Will we be back home by the time the Quarter Quell for this year is announced?"

He smiles, "yes, we'll be at home." Finnick sits at the foot of the bed beside me, "come on, you can call your mom while I make you some soup."

I force myself out of bed and head down the stairs, I hope he see how much I love him because I'm about to waste my mother's time and my own. Finnick is speaking about something that happened today, but I'm too focused on the odd feeling I'm having. Maybe I do have a touch of a cold or something. I dial my mother's number, the faint sound of Finnick whistling from the kitchen distracting me from the ringing tone. My mother answers quickly, "hello?"

"Mother, it's me."

"Katniss, how are you? I heard things are beautiful in District 4."

"It's nice out...I'm actually a bit off. I think I have a touch of a cold. I was hoping you could give me some advice as to what to do."

My mother laughs, "okay what are your symptoms? Katniss every one no matter how insignificant." These are the moments when it feels like my old mother is back, like she is still in there. It gives me a hope I know I should disregard, yet I find myself smiling.

"Nothing really, just not feeling my usual self. I'm tired."

My mother takes a deep breath, "any physical pains?"

"I was cramping a bit a couple days ago but it came and went." I twist the cord around my fingers and chew my lip.

"Your temperature?" She asks.

"Hm, I'm a little warm I guess."

"Any nausea?"

I bite my lip, "a few times but it was early in the morning and usually after a nightmare. Is it the flu?" My mother's laughter is loud and warm, it shocks me. "I'm fine then." I set the phone under my chin, "my mother is laughing at me, I told you I was fine, Finnick!"

He walks to me, "you are? You're not sick?"

I press the phone to my ear, laughing with my mother, "I told him Mother that I wasn't sick days ago."

My mother's laughter has ceased, "Katniss?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you sure you're not pregnant?"

I nearly drop the phone with the laughter that has consumed me, "I'm sure. I was cramping. As a matter of fact, I bet these are all signs I'm getting ready to start. Thanks Mom, bye." I hang the phone up, "told you I was fine." I barely get the words out before breaking out in loud giggles.

"What was so funny?" Finnick leans against the wall. "I haven't seen you laugh like that in a while."

I raise my eyebrows and force myself to be quiet, "she asked me if I was pregnant." I start laughing again, however when I raise my eyes to Finnick. He is not laughing.

"Are you?" He struggles to find his words, "are you going to have a baby?"

"What, no." I stand up, "I'm almost 100% sure."

"Almost."

I roll my eyes, "fine I'm completely sure."

"Katniss this isn't something you can just roll your eyes about. Are you sure?"

The mood has shifted, I can feel my insides twisting, my heart racing, bile threatening to push through my throat. My voice is quiet, "honestly?" I count the days of the past month in my mind. My mouth goes dry as I struggle to form a sentence, to string the words together. "I-I don't know."

* * *

The sound of Mags and Cassius speaking to Finnick keeps me from grasping the bathroom door's handle. Once I leave the safety of the bathroom, I will be thrust into the living room, where I know that Mags and Finnick's brothers are. I open the door and walk down the stairs. My eyes raise to look at Finnick, my bottom lip trembling. Should I be happy or sad? What am I supposed to feel? Disappointment in myself? A feeling of weakness, like I can't do anything right. Finnick pulls me to his arms, "it's okay Katniss." Mags smiles and leaves us, pulling his brothers with her. Leaving the two of us alone. Finnick taps my chin up, "if you want child, we can have one, Katniss...I think that the first try is always negative, I remember my mother saying something like that once."

I press my face in Finnick's collar, "you don't understand." I mumble into his shirt, the mixed scent of cookies and the ocean a comfort to me.

"I don't understand what?" Finnick tips my chin up to him before speaking. "Katniss, what don't I understand?"

I shake my head and tears spill over my cheeks, "the test was positive." I watch him stare at me, nothing about him moving. I search his eyes for something more than the emptiness I find in those two circles of sea-green.

His hand brushes my abdomen, "it's positive?" His voice cracks and he swallows, "there's something growing inside of there?"

"I think so...All five tests said so." It's insane to think something is growing inside of there. something that's half mine and half Finnick's

"Five, you took five?" He looks up at me with a small smile, "we're having a baby." Finnick smiles and spins me around. "Katniss, we're having a baby!" I don't understand what he could possibly be excited about, we are bringing a child into this world to be reaped or killed or starve. Finnick kneels before me and rolls my shirt upwards to reveal my flat belly, not showing a sign that there could be a child growing within me. "Hey there, son."

I snicker, "it's not a boy." Does it really matter? It will have to be entered in the Reaping, Snow will make sure our child faces death. I shake my head, "I don't even think we will know what the gender is for a while." Some sickness runs through me as the scent of cookies gets stronger from the kitchen.

Finnick looks up at me, "I know, but I can sense it. This will be my son." He focuses his attention to my stomach again by pressing his forehead to my belly, "hello there son, this is your father. I want you to know that I love you, that your mommy loves you. She is sweet, kind, gentle, loving, sometimes a tad stubborn. I hope you have her eyes too. She is going to love you more than the world itself, I am going to love you more than the world itself. And I'm so happy that you are going to be here soon. I'm going to let you get some rest now." Finnick lifts his head and gently presses his lips to my stomach. I suck in a sharp breath, Finnick stands and looks at me. He brushes my hair behind my ear and leans his lips just a breath from mine, "I love you, Kitty."

My body is speaking for me it seems because my lips are moving against Finnick's. Maybe he will be able to be strong enough for the both of us, maybe he can be a better parent than I can. He pulls me closer and I break from him as a wave of nausea slams into me. The strong smell of cookies, melting chocolate making my stomach toss. I can see the panic in his eyes before I bolt around the corner, searching for something as my breakfast threatens to reappear. Frantic, I glance around the hall my dark eyes catch onto a vase filled with yellow carnations. I hardly have time to get out the flowers before I retch into the vase. Finnick turns the corner, moving my hair out of my face and moves his hand in slow soft circles on the small of my back. "Katniss?"

Sitting on my heels I stop and take a shaky breath "I'm okay. It's just the smell of the cookies." I look at the vase, "I ruined our vase."

"The vase doesn't matter. Do you want to rest?"

"I want food."

He raises his eyebrows, "you want food?"

I nod, "I really want food, like a big plate of food."

"A big plate of food." He scratches the back of his neck, "are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure." Finnick takes me hand and walks me back to the living room. Mags pops her head back into the living room and gives us a questioning look. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel, Finnick is so happy maybe I should try to be too. I can't though. I know what this child's future will be, I never wanted kids. I never wanted them to live in this world. Instead of letting my complex emotions show I force a smile, "can you and the boys come here, Mags?"

Mags, Cassius, and Marx stroll into the room glancing between Finnick and I. Finnick clears his throat and grips my hand tighter, "Cassius, Marx, congratulations! You're going to be Uncles. And Mags, you're going to be a grandmother."

Mags smiles and hugs me tightly then hugs Finnick. Cassius and Marx each hug me and then start teasing Finnick, punching him and making all kinds of remarks I would rather not contemplate. Cassius kisses my cheek, "you're going to be a great mother, Katniss. I bet you're excited."

No, I'm not. I'm terrified. I'm so afraid. So worried.

If only you knew how scared I was, Cassius. If only you knew.

* * *

The train has made me sicker than normal, why did I agree to go to this orange tinted Capitol woman's wedding? I sit up in the darkness, it can only be one or two in the morning. Within the past four days the morning sickness has gotten so much worse, why exactly I'm not sure. Carefully I slip out of bed and try to throw up as quietly as possible, Finnick hardly gets any sleep as it is. The train sways slightly and I make my way out our room, walking usually calms my stomach. As I work through the train an unsupervised screen is left on in one of the rooms for the peace keepers who manage the trains. I glance around me to find I'm alone, the screen showing the fires and riots of three districts. 8 and 11 have people in the streets setting things on fire, breaking glass windows, the symbol of my Mockingjay flying high. I glance at the third District and all my breath is stolen from me. District 12 looks completely different, I haven't been gone more than a few weeks and the Justice building is changed, the square with a whipping post centered in the middle. I try to think of the last time Snow sent roses, he hasn't sent them since we eloped. The sound of a door opening sends me from the room. I make my way back to my bedroom, what if Snow has decided we are not satisfying the people any more? Finnick shifts beside me, "you okay?"

"Sick, as usual."

Finnick laughs and drapes his arm around me. Finnick is trying to make me excited about this child, but I can't manage it. While he sees ll the potential in this child I can only see all the pain Snow will inflict upon it. His hand lightly traces my abdomen, "it's week 6, right?"

"If we calculated it right, yeah." I shut my eyes, Finnick is unbelievable excited and happy, he bought home a large bag of books.

"Then," I sense his mind turning, "there is a little heart beating in there. Soon you will be showing."

"Shut up."

I hear him sigh, "Katniss, I know you're not very happy about this-"

"Finnick it' not that." I pull the covers over my shoulder, "literally shut up, I'm tired and the baby is tired."

"You mean our son is tired."

For some reason I laugh, "you know what, it's a girl. Mother's intuition."

Finnick tightens his grip on me, "You get some rest, when we get to Capitol I'll let you sleep to the hotel. You need rest." My eyes are shut before the words can leave my lips. The sound of the train whizzing past into the Capitol keeping me in a deep slumber.

I let out a frustrated growl, why am I going to this wedding? The dress has zipped up to my hip, but now it won't budge. I'm not showing but I still have put on some weight. Finnick glances at me as he tightens his tie, "here, Kitty." He tries to pull the zipper up but it stops moving, "suck in."

I grit my teeth," _I am._"

"Don't get angry with me," he smiles, "perhaps we can make an emergency call to Effie or Cinna."

My voice shakes as I throw my hands up in frustration, "I can't fit anything, Finnick!"

"It's okay, I will call Cinna and we will even go shopping tomorrow and get you everything you need, okay?" He wraps his arms around me, "I love you."

"Love you too," I mumble, "can you call Cinna or something?" I brush my wrist against my cheek wiping away the tears bleeding out my eyes. Why am I crying? I never cry. I can't believe how much I have changed from when I found out about this child to now, I'm nauseous more often than not, I can't fit things the same way or at all, I have to pee almost as much as I breathe, and my emotions can change quickly. Finnick nods and kisses my temple. He disappears while I stare at myself in the mirror, my face is rounder, my hair a little longer. Finnick reappears, "Cinna said he is leaving right now." He pulls on the jacket to his suit and glances in the mirror.

I adjust his tie and smile. "Thank you. Cinna wasn't busy?"

"He was but I said it was an emergency."

"It's not."

Finnick holds my face in his hand, "Katniss whenever you're in distress, of any kind, it's an emergency." He turns from me and does his hair. I sit down on the bed twisting my hair between my fingers waiting for Cinna to come. I need to speak with him anyway, he always knows what to do when I get stressed, Cinna always has my back. My body leans back and I close my eyes, letting this moment of silence soak in.

"Kitty, wake up. Cinna's here." Finnick gently helps me up and I stare at Cinna's smiling face.

I breathe out, "Cinna." I give him a hug and hear his whispered congratulations. "I can't fit anything and I didn't know what to do or who to call...And, thank you for coming."

Cinna smiles, "anything for my Girl on Fire." He looks at my dress and rubs his chin in the way that always means he has an idea. "Ribbon will do the trick, with some minor re-stitching." Cinna opens a small case, "hold your hands above your head, Katniss." I do as I'm told while Cinna cuts and sews the side of my dress moving in a circle around me. I can feel Finnick's eyes roving over me, watching whatever changes Cinna is making to my dress. After a good half hour or so he steps away. "Perfect."

I turn and look in the mirror Cinna transformed a plain dark blue dress into something more, he took our the zipper and covered the whole with a diamond of bright white fabric and loosened the other side of the dress in the same way. He stitched the patches in with a silver thread and made me look thinner than I am, the angles of the diamonds on my sides giving my body a smaller illusion. Effectively hiding the small amount of weight I've gained to keep anyone from asking questions. I hug Cinna and say thank you more than twenty times. Cinna kisses my cheek and squeezes my hand, "you're going to be such a fantastic mother Katniss." His words take me off guard and the smile on my face begins to fade. Cinna hugs me and whispers, "I'm still betting on you, Girl on Fire."

* * *

The wedding was loud, colorful, and over dramatic to me. The bride was sweet, Lahrea, and the people were nice enough but I was exhausted by the time we got home to District 4. As a matter of fact, two weeks later I'm still tired. We never heard or saw from Snow until last week, he sent a single rose to us. With a card simply stating: TIME'S UP. I cried for two hours afterwards, now I know Snow will make sure this child dies in the arena. Even Finnick has lost his excitement, now we both know what this child's future is. Finnick swears he won't let a single thing harm this baby's head, but I know something terrible will happen the moment Snow finds out. I can tell from Finnick's slow breaths he is thinking, I rest my head against his lap. The porch swing rocks back and forth, the wind pushing my hair back. Finnick's hand absently strokes the small bump that has developed. It's not large at all, but now we can actually see that something is growing within me. Cassius opens the door, "the Quarter Quell is about to be announced." We take our time getting to the living room, I don't want to hear this at all. I wonder what the announcement will be, what arena they will force my first set of tributes into.

Snow stands at a podium, licks his lip, sends a horrifying smile to the camera, a weathered yellow envelope opens, "In order to show the rebels that even the strongest among them cannot stand against the Capitol, this years tributes will be reaped from the existing pool of Victors."

I don't move, I don't breathe, I don't speak. I hear glass shatter, I hear yells, I see tears. But I can't move. I can't think. My eyes travel down to the only thing that makes me want to survive this again, my child. I didn't want children, but it had begun to grow on me. This idea of a child, that was mine and Finnick's. I swallow and silently take back every moment I regretted having this child, the idea that it might not be with me gives me a sense of pain I haven't ever felt before. Finnick sits down beside me and pulls me close to him, his whole body stuck in a slight tremor, he presses his hand to my belly and kisses my temple. "I won't let anything happen to the two of you, I swear."

I nod, even though I can't get one thought out my mind. It keeps repeating itself over and over again.

I'm going back into the arena.


End file.
